Is it a garden? Is it a greenhouse? Is it our living room?

It all started with a hanging basket that i needed to re-position so it would not get burned by the hot air blown by the fireplace. And then my ten pots in the living room turned into 20 and the 20 pots turned into an indoor garden of over 30 pots and it is still growing.

 I really wanted the inside to look like outdoors in the spring. and it really vibrates in fast and happy energies. I have tried to stop.

But now i have an indoor garden and it never seems enough. The flowers are taking over!

And of course beside the mess Melina Nefeli keeps making(if that is a mouthful you can call her tornado, it works just as well!),

really, really easily..

There is also mud and soil evrywhere always because something needs adjusting!!!!!!

Now i really should stop messing around and start picking up stuffed animals and dirt from the floor, because she is waking up from her nap and that is completely unsanitary!

                                    Lots and lots of love!

Merry christmas to all....

Santa Claus is about to visit our home and leave us gifts for our little one. Ever since she was 3 months old she had this weird obsession with a tiny , pink, cow slipper that she used to rub on her face say mm-mm-mm and fall asleep. Since then, the obsession grew and we currently own 3 pairs that were never used as intended. She picks them all up from around the house, finds her pacifier and walks to her bed every time she wants to sleep. She always carries at least one with her and although she knows the greek word for slippers she still calls them  the mm-mm-mms. As you probably imagined, we asked from Santa to bring us as many of them as possible and the word is that he will bring us 9 pairs(8 pink and 1 blue just for fun). He is also bringing a duck toy for our bath,  a stuffed puppy doggy for hugs that is very soft and a musical toy, that well is cute but not very musical...
I can not wait to see her little face when she sees the slippers. It is very hard to anticipate her reactions at this stage. So many people bring her toys and she is not always amazed. A few days back i brought her a giant balloon and she squealed every time she saw it.You never know. So, crossing fingers and holding breaths.
I have made almond cookies and almond chocolate chip cookies that i decorated with princess themed sprinkles and she loved them. I am making her a  casserole that she loves and about a million other things since tomorrow we are expecting a hungry crowd and i left her room a mess full of stuffed and other kinds of  toys. I hope she will have fun!
I am wishing merry christmas, happy holidays, yule blessings, and lots and lots of fun!

A day to remember....

Yesterday i did not try yet another venture to find the cave Ntaveli. Instead we went to a near by park that i just love. It is my favorite park although there are many near us with excellent things to do. This does not have any scheduled activities or things to see, but the energy is amazing and the nature beautiful. We laid on the grass and watched the tree tops dance slowly and smelled the clean air. It was majestic. I could feel my mind slowing down and my soul able to soar. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life and yet i find myself unable to describe it, because it was filled with all these little things that make life wonderful.
I have been so tired these days. I had my period because it always comes on the New Moon, took a bunch of pain killers -for various pains- that always wear me down. And although during the New Moon i always feel like someone unplugged me and took all my strength away there is one good thing about it, i always sleep like a baby. But this time i did not have time to sleep. So, yesterday although it has been wonderful i have been quite sleep deprived and generally exhausted and i do not know about you, but when i am like that i am really bad on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I ate so much candy. It was delightful. Chocolate, almond cookies filled with cream and a beautiful quiche. It has been long since i ate in a such decadent way and i have to admit there is something quite freeing in the process. There are still some left, but after that i am going to detox from sugar till the holidays come marching in with enough chocolate to make Willy Wonka jealous. After that wonderful day, all that yumminess and some sexy time with my husband*wink, wink* i slept for almost 11 hours and today i feel like i can conquer the world.
It feels as if i am heavily intoxicated, i believe that is  how drugs must feel like. One of those things can make a person relax but i had not had a day like that even on vacation. I really needed that.
Be blessed, be loved and remember to unwind! I love you all!

Straightening your hair...the witch's way!

So, i do not know if i have mention it here but my hair are very thin and long and curly with a tendency to frizz a lot. During the cold part of the year, in the very humid Athens it is impossible for me to make them straight. I do not like to overheat them, or use any chemical treatments, especially since i prefer them curly. It is the uncontrollable frizz that i could live without.
Last night i made a hair mask with warm olive oil, cinnamon and  honey( i also added castor oil, but you can skip that part) and i slept with it and this morning when i dried my hair like i usually do, they were shiny, straight and frizz free. Plus, the smell fantastic! I do not know yet, how they will react after i wash my hair tomorrow but it is definitely worth the trouble.
After i gave birth, breastfed for 8 months and had various hormonal issues my hair have not been well. I have tried many things but i was always hesitant to do any over night treatments, mainly because of, well...boredom.
I am not going to lie to you. It is messy and sticky and not the best sensation in the world, but sleeping with it is definitely doable. Once again something natural works wonders for me when the expensive hair treatment products i have been given lately as gifts( in a hint, hint, wink, wink kind of way!). I have read that it is supposed to burn at the beginning, but i did not feel anything, perhaps because i did not use cassia but actual cinnamon!
So, if you try it tell me how it goes!!

No cave...

..today either. Baby overslept. Someday, somehow I will get there!
Blessings to all!

Going to cave Ntaveli, take two.

Last Sunday, we tried. We dressed up the baby as if she was going to the North Pole, packed up food although it is just 10 minutes from here and off we went to find the cave. We went up the mountain but found nothing and on the way home we finally found a half broken sign. We took the dirt road up to where our poor little town car could take us and when we were about to take it by foot the zip of Melina Nefeli's coat broke. By that time the Sun had set and everything was turning into a dark blue colour. So, we gave up and told ourselves we will get there next week. 

Now, we have done everything right. Melina Nefeli is taking her nap really early and we know where to go. But the thing is we are no hikers and i hope the trail is not too hard! So, cross your fingers and think magical cave. I really hope that this time i will have something to share with all of you guys.

Raising a child in Witchcraft, yule decorations, anniversaries and an update

Greetings blogfriends. How are you? I am recovering after practice and i know i will be sore tomorrow. I have n't been in practice for  more than two weeks. First it was my back and then the cold, then my back again and today i was hurting but i felt i had to go. Melina Nefeli is healthy again although by the end of her antibiotics treatment she had an allergic reaction and it was scary. I had a feeling that it would happen but since after eight days of treatment she was still doing good , i thought it was all in my head. But just before she took her last pill, she started having a couple of red spots in the diaper area. My first thought was allergy but then i thought i am such a worrywart and it was just a diaper rash. But after a couple of hours her whole body was covered in red spots. I have the same problem. It is really hard to find an antibiotic that i am not allergic and even then i can not take them for a long  time and even then i can not take them with other medications.

So, now that we are stronger i am so thankful for everything we have. Especially today, because this is our 11th year anniversary with my husband. Before eleven years we kissed and  half an hour later we confessed each other our love through a text. We were just a couple of very  cute and innocent 19 year olds. We have been so blessed in our lives. I am unbelievably grateful for it.
Usually, we are the last people to decorate for Yule, since we do it on December 21st, but this year it just felt right.to do it early. So, after we celebrated Samhein on Friday i decided we should decorate our Yule tree. And so, this Sunday we decorated the house in a candy theme. It took a bit of convincing to make the baby to stop trying to eat the decorations. She finally understood they are fake.

 She is so fun these days. She makes  a few full sentences and we are constantly surprised by the things she notices. It is such a delight to get to see the world through the eyes of a child. We have not sang to her for two weeks and i can't wait for tomorrow night because we have arranged to sing to her before bed. Whenever we finish a song(or if there is a long pause) she claps her hands and says bravo(well, it sounds a bit more like baafvo to be exact). She is the cutest and most sweet audience i have ever had.

And also she is the most amazing little witchling i have ever seen. She loves it  when we cast spells. She mainly uses the mortar and pestle to crush flower petals and herbs but from time to time she will repeat a few words. On the day of the Solstice she will be exactly 18 months old and i am already a little worried about how i should handle the witchcraft thing. I practice my craft so openly, but how can you explain to a little child subtlety. I want to teach her to embrace all she is but i do not want her to get hurt. 

I am sure i will find the way to balance things and i believe honesty is the best approach. 

So, who else hurried and lit up a tree? 

Catching a cold, a magical cave and Samhein

So, Melina Nefeli kissed yet another little boy that lives in our apartment building. Actually, she was kissed by him, but that is not the point. Although, she rather enjoys the attention and there is not a cuter sight, especially when afterwards she tilts her head and smiles and he says i love you Melina(i mean come on, how can you put a stop to that?),  he just started preschool and she caught a virus that turned into an ear infection. I had to give her antibiotics. You all know how i feel about antibiotics. The doctor did not share my feelings. Of course, i also caught the bug and i fought it off with teas and tinctures(still fighting to be exact!). I gave her many herbal teas the day before she started the antibiotics, but they were not enough and she was in pain. Now, she is feeling great and she got quite a taste for tea and she is always asking for it, so there is not a spot in our entire home that did not have at some point tea spilled over it. I got rather frustrated that i gave in so easily to antibiotics the first time she caught a cold and that i was not prepared. Now i have  a rosemary and a echinacea tincture on the way, plus i stocked up in herbs and honey, but i can not stop feeling guilty and like a failure.
This is her and her dad. They were doing funny faces but when she realized i was taking a picture she let him hanging.

This is her playing in her room. I was torturing her by dressing her up and accessorizing her. Does n't she look like a fairy princess? 

Yesterday and the night before i was feeling like i had just collided with a running bus, so we did not celebrate All Hallows Eve at all. All i did to be exact was drink teas and go pee. It is a vicious cycle. But, i intend to celebrate Samhein, on its traditional time which if i am not mistaken, on this year falls on the 7th of November. It is the mid point between the Autumn Equinox and the Winter Solstice, on the 15th degree of Scorpio.

  These are some of our decorations a while back.

I would love to visit on that day  a very spiritual cave that has many lores and legends tied to it and that is not a very long trip from here to get to it. It is called Ntaveli cave and conspiracy theorists would have a blast with the fact that the military sealed it down.  It is sort of the Area 51 of Greece. There is also a story about a greek priest that is said to be taken down there by an elevator that supposedly appeared after some rocks  opened up and was lead into a place that was full of doors with the radiation sign on them.  There was an ancient temple of Pana there, as well as many little churches. There is a magnetic field, unexplained little red tornados, sightings of creautures, the small pond of the Nymphs and many other interesting facts about that cave. Although it is no longer possible to fully explore the cave you can still go there. It saddens me that a place with such spiritual and archaeological value has been completely destroyed by the greek government. I will not be able to visit it on Friday due to work, but i plan on going there very soon.  I will let you know what happened there and i will post pictures.
Until then, be blessed, be loved and be very, very magical?

Sort of a vent...

Hi there beautiful souls. I have been quite busy lately and that is the main reason i was gone from blogland. I have been going to kick box practice lately and for the most part it was going pretty well. That was until someone who is not even a trainer pushed my back down on an exercise in order for me to do it properly and i spasmed bad. That was two week ago. Since then there were some okay days and some horrible ones. The last three i have been in agony. Once again with ointments and heat pads and antiinflammatory medication. I have to go get checked out. It was really hard to let go my anger towards that ignorant person who by the way knew i have serious back issues.
But i realized that what i was really feeling was not anger but fear that everything will go back to me getting immobilized again and all my hard work that allowed me to do three kickboxing classes a  week will be for nothing. The pain justifies my way of thinking. When it gets as excruciating as it was it is easy to think that nothing is changed. But this is just a set back. Every time i will heal faster. And i will literally fight my way towards a  healthy back.
So, this post is to let go of my fear. I will get strong again. I will be pain free again.
Thank you for listening. Have a wonderful week.
Brightest blessings!

Medical update and astrological chaos coming up!

Greetings blogfriends! I just swung by to let you know, that everything turned out as i thought. My biopsy was clean but still they are pressuring me to do a preventive  thyroidectomy just to be sure. But as i told you, i made my decision  and that's it. Only thing left is to go to the doctor and see what else there is to do, but i do not have high hopes for that.
This past New Moon i almost missed it. I actually found out it was the night of the New Moon because of how i felt. Every New Moon a sense of exhaustion takes over me. I sleep long hours, but still i feel like i have not slept at all. I wake up and i drink coffee after coffee just to get through the day, and it still does hold me for long. On the other hand, every Full Moon i feel the exact opposite. I am completely wired and i can not sleep at all. I may manage to get a couple of hours of sleep per night(it usually lasts two or three days). But i wake up and beside my insomnia i feel invigorated and charged. Also, my menstrual cycle begins with the New Moon, ever since i gave birth. Before that it always fell on the Full Moon. Those feelings are even more intense when there is an eclipse involved.
In October we are going to have two eclipses and a Mercury in retrograde. Lets just say that it is going to get interesting!
Till then, have a wonderful time and be blessed!

Thyroid biopsy, crying like an infant, Grey's Anatomy and astrology..(yeap, that's about it!)

Greetings my loves! How are you? First of all i want to thank you all for all your warm wishes and caring thoughts. Right back at you. I can not stress enough, what a positive impact your comments had these days that i was so stressed out.
I just returned from my biopsy. I completely and utterly embarrassed myself at the diagnostic center because after the whole exam, i was talking with the doctor and he did the mistake to utter the word thyroidectomy,  which is the removal of the gland and  i burst into tears. I am sure some of you remember the fact that i cry like a little baby in front of people and it is completely out of my control. By far the most embarrassing thing about me. Everybody there must have thought that i am dieing. But the thing is that even with all the worried looks from the doctors i know in my heart of hearts that i am going to get a good diagnosis. What i am worried about is the fact that they would want me to remove my thyroid just to be safe.
I am not afraid of all the complications and all the serious life changing facts that come along with it. But there is a big chance that i won't be able to sing again. And that idea is something that made me sob uncontrollably various moments in the past week. I will not do it. I will check my gland as often as i have to with u/s and bloodwork and i will let them stick those huge needles into my throat as many times as they want to, but not that.
As soon as i made the decision, a couple of hours ago, the weight from my chest lifted and life was beautiful again. If things are not what i know them to be, then i will do whatever necessary(i am not completely immature!). I have once before told you about my Saturn in Scorpio and my family's curse with everything medical. I will not go under the knife until absolutely necessary and that's it.. I would make a great Grey's Anatomy episode, now that i think of it.. The superstitious soprano, that does not want to undergo surgery..I can see how Alex Carev  would get completely frustrated by my lack of common sense, and my character would be a hottie that dresed like a hippie, because Hollywood loves stereotypes..
And on a somewhat metaphysical note, be extra careful these days. There is an astrological tendency, that leads us towards little accidents. Just this morning i hit my foot really hard and i can barely walk and i burned myself with a tomato sauce i was making. A couple of days ago my husband hit his toe as well and he is still walking with a tiny limp and yesterday evening he cut himself with broken glass. And i hear many stories about mishaps that can be very annoying. So, stay warm, disinfect your hands often and be extra careful!
I love you all, so very much!

Fall is coming

Greetings dear friends! I am resting comfortably as i am writing this, trying to rest my back. I did way too many things these days like gardening, cleaning and i even painted the hall way, but most importantly after two years i had my first kick boxing class. Since i am still here to talk about it, i will say it went well. What was a bit disturbing was my doctor's appointment for my thyroid. It seemed that one of my nodules has grown a lot over this past year and that it looks suspicious, so i am having yet another biopsy this Friday.
The good thing is that i did a quick tarot reading for me and it looked good. But i can't trust my readings completely when there is something i am really scared of, or something i really want because i am not always objective about my own life.
It seems,  stress managed to find its way back into my life and i thought a bit of magic was in order and i made my Solstice wreath a bit sooner than planned. I used some wild lillies that i picked up yesterday. It felt as if this bush was calling at me. In the middle of nowhere, by the highway, there was this bush full of huge white lillies. I almost seemed like a vision, such a surreal and beautiful object, so heavy with glowing white flowers. So, naturally i made my husband turn around and re-enter the highway, and i walked by the freeway, where there was no pavement and was by far the craziest, stupidest thing i ever did. As i picked the flowers i felt the wind hitting me hard as the cars passed by me.
Mabon is s almost here and it seems more crucial than ever to seek for more balance in my psyche and physical life. We will celebrate with an apple pie and a small bonfire. Some decorations will sit over the fireplace and around the house. Candles will be lit, incense will burn and we will feel the time holding still for a second as the night equals the day.We will give thanks for all our blessings and everything this Harvest means to us. We will rejoice into the love of one another and be grateful for our connection and our time together.
I hope you will all have a wonderful Autumn celebration.
Be loved, be blessed and have a beautiful Fall.

Blessed be!

Have a blessed Harvest Moon! May She grant your wishes and heed all your desires!

September and goodbyes.

Greetings blogfriends. How have you been all this time? We found a half paralysed grey kitten, with a torn tail, extremely thin, full of infected wounds and terrified. We nursed him back to health and then he relapsed again and we are fixing him once more. Our frog seems sick, lets hope he gets better. Petros has had a cold. And i think i had salmonella. Except for the kitten we self medicated and are all doing better. My liver is a little stressed out, i will spare you the yucky details of how i know that. My back was killing me but now seems to be doing better. And to top it all off our baby is going through some brutal teething. But beyond all that we managed to have a very productive summer, especially since we did not go on vacation. We fixed the house, preparing for winter. Well, my husband did, i just looked and made ridiculous questions.
We now have a pond in a pot with two goldfish, a clean house, a couple of freshly painted rooms, and we turned our fireplace in a green one. We also cleaned and stored our carpets and organized everything.
My mom sold my first car which was a bit sentimental, especially since i realized that i drove it for the last time when i gave my diploma performance. My classical studies began when my parents gave me the car. I remember driving there and enrolling to classes. I remember the heart aches and the joys and a journey that i am really proud of. My car was my way to escape. I used to take the top down and the wind would make me free.
It seems as if i turned thirty and my life symbolically transformed into something new. Our house is no longer pink, but green, we no longer have sports cars, but a small city car. We no longer have two cats and a dog. We now have three cats, two goldfish and a frog. We do not have a television, we only watch what we decide, without all the darkness and low quality of greek tv. I do not sing any more except with Petros every night. And of course we have a beautiful, magical baby that makes everything look glittery.
Now all that is left is our medical check ups. Baby's is done, she is great. Mine are half done and Petros has  yet to go to the doctor. Also, we have to finish up fixing the fireplace, buy some wood and i have to make myself go to kick box which i dread because of my back. Our programs for the new year(we still think like kids) are set and although September just arrived it feels like life has started over again.
This is the first year of my life that September has come and i do not have school. Yesterday, i was wondering why the skies have turned grey and i do not feel that quickening in my stomach. This inevitable sense of anticipation that make everything seem possible. Tonight i figured out it was because of that. I am no longer a student and it is very unsettling. It was about time i guess, but i sure miss it. Being a Leo makes it difficult for me to let go. I remember how hard it was for me when high school ended. Everyone was celebrating and i was heartbroken.
It always helps to focus on the new beginnings, and i have the cutest distraction of  all times. So, raise your glass to new beginnings. When the moon starts to wane it will be easier to do that. Just a few days till She becomes whole and i finally say my goodbyes.

Happy birthday to me!

I am official thirty! Cough cough! A perfect time to start lieing about my age... How does 25 sound to all of you?
By the way, i have lied many times about my age in my life. Completely unintentionally, many times i actually went up and i used to say i was 27 from the age 26-28. I guess i liked the number.  I am so weird about some of those things. I never remember what year happened what, i am horrible with names, but i always remember star signs and phone numbers. When people ask me how old i am, or how old Melina Nefeli is, i always have to pause and think for enough seconds to make people look weird at me.
I am writing this at 4.30 in the morning and i think i should go and lie down. I can't wait to wake up as a birthday girl and get pampered and have fun.
Ps. Google wished me happy birthday with virtual cupcakes, how cool is that?

Pms is a bitch...or is that just me?

You know you are pmsing, when you see pictures of your baby and cry for how fast she has grown while she is only 13 months old.
You know you are pmsing when you almost bought a ridiculously expensive puppy, after going to the pet shop for just some frog food.
You know you are pmsing, when you get irritated with your husband when he takes you for a ride to enjoy the afternoon.
You know you are pmsing, when you yell at your husband because he could not smell the cat urine on one of your clean underwear.
You know you are pmsing, when you drink a whole bottle of a two llitre light soda in one seating.
You know you are pmsing when you are bloated enough to have pregnancy flashbacks.
You know you are pmsing when you think burping extremely loud and for a weirdly long period of time in front of your husband is appropriate.
Yes these all happened today.
I know what you are thinking..I am such a catch. He is so lucky to have me.etc etc....

Stevia angel food cake!

I know this is a horrible picture but that is what you get when you have a hungry photographer. The thing is, i did it! I made angel food cake without sugar or tartar cream(because in Greece when you ask for the latter, you get the reaction you would get if you were asking for a human liver!). It has only 2Tbs baking powder, 2 Tbs of lemon juice, a pinch of salt, lemon zest, 1 cup of flour,1 cup of stevia, vanilla extract(in powder, no oil) and 11 egg whites. It tastes wonderful and if my calculations are indeed correct it has less than 500 calories the entire cake(that is because a lot of the flour was scattered while i was mixing it in!). The impressive thing is, that although it is so light, it is very filling, probably because of all the protein in it.
This is what i made to celebrate the First Harvest. And because i was feeling a bit wild i used 2Tbs of confectioners sugar to make just a teeny tiny bit of lemon glaze. I served it with berries and everybody was quite impressed. None of us had ever tried an angel food cake. In Greece it is not a common cake at all.
That dessert is definitely here to stay, although it is such a mess to make. If you have n't tried it, do so. It is so worth all the trouble. The original recipe without the stevia and all the right ingredients is here at Octoberfarm. Go ahead to see how much more impressive this cake can be, if you make it like you should. But, even if you are like me and always on a diet, you can always make the disgusting  even healthier version. No, i am kidding. Even stevia could not ruin this cake. It is that good!
Enjoy!

Train of thought(Who will quit first?)

Greetings blogfriends. Eventually, almost none of the things i planned for Friday happened. We ended up going to the mall to buy a fan for the nursery, and i also purchased a G.G.Marquez book that i did not have. We managed to get to the zoo yesterday and as always both baby and mommy got very excited, me seeing the giraffe and baby the duckies. One kept pecking at the soles of her shoes, while she was on the stroller and she was stretching her legs so the duck can reach her and said "papaki"( greek word for ducky) over and over. She is such a smart thirteen month year old. She played a little in the play ground and she slept all the way home, which is very unusual for her. What is more unusual is that when we stopped at the super market and the doors opened and slummed closed again, she still did not wake up and i stayed with her in the underground parking lot because i did not want to wake her .
Then we returned home, she ate and took her bath with daddy while i cooked. Finally just like we do every night, Petros played guitar and i sang  to her for about half an hour. She kept dancing in her crib and "sang" with us, also clapped and kept throwing her tiny night teddies, for us to catch(she does that every night, i am guessing it is some sort of protest, for going to bed at 10 and not getting to watch "hot in Cleveland" with us). Then i resumed cooking and when i finally got to sit down i could not move. We ate and listened to some music and then it was time for some magick. I could feel the New Moon's energy calling me.  There is something that makes me feel like i am where i am supposed to, when in the darkest, most silent hours of the night, the incense's smoke dance over the flames of the candles while my voice chants the magic words. It feels like it is a perpetual Autumn where everything is heightened and the sensations are just melting together.
Before i began i had to remove my socks for some extra boost because the Dark Moon always drains me, the exact opposite of the Full Moon that always makes me completely wired and unable to sleep. After my ritual, i cut a bit of my hair, because there is not a more perfect time for cutting your hair than the night of the New Moon and because i had split ends that needed trimming.
Is there anyone else other there that cuts their own hair? I have been doing that for years. Hair stylists always butchered my hair, cutting way more than i wanted and my hair never got to be as long as i wanted them. Ever since i cut them they always are what i want them to be. Except once that they accidentally caught on fire at one side and i had to call a professional to make them sort of even without losing most their length. This happened to me during a telephone reading, while reaching over a candle to get a crystal. My client got really scared because i started screaming out of the blue. Good times!
And if you managed to follow my train of thought during this post you should get checked out by a mental health professional, because that is not normal.
I love you guys. Remember that tonight is the last night of the New Moon. Make the best of it. Lit your candles and stir your cauldrons, it is the time for magick!

Pot pouri post, or the one with the cock roach!

My dreams come as warnings for me. Which may be unpleasant at times and definitely affects my sleep but it can really be useful. Yesterday we had to go and pick up my mom from her house to run some chores. My father to which i am not speaking to came down to see the baby. Which could have been sweet if he had tried to fix what he did, but in this eight months i cut the chord he  tried calling twice and that was last month after bad mouthing me to everyone we know. As always what he did, was aggressive and towards granting his own desires, while disregarding everyone else's feelings. The thing is that if i was not mentally prepared for it i would have automatically turned into the scared little girl he used to terrify, but in my dreams i was warned and i was completely cool and kept it together. That is only because two nights ago, i saw we would meet in their house in a dream. Those two times he called the night before i saw him in my sleep yelling at me. Both times! But, seeing how much better i can control the situation i am grateful for every single nightmare i ever had.
That being said, we had a situation in my home. A huge cockroach flied(yes, that's right, flied!) in our bedroom and hid behind our closets and became unreachable. So, naturally, i could not sleep in there and made my husband take the mattress out in the living room where we slept two nights in the row. The first night we sprayed everything with something that allegedly kills cockroaches, closed the door and never looked back. Yesterday, the cockroach came out of hiding and  Petros managed to capture it under a glass vase. The cockroach looked happy and healthy, minus the entrapment, hence those bug killers do not work. We almost used the entire canister and it did not kill one single roach. Anyway, after capturing it, the issue of what  we are going to do with it surfaced. We both debated pros and cons of killing the ugly thing, but we could not do it. Although it was huge, the kind that in certain areas of Asia  is considered a delicacy, when we looked at it , in the vase, it did not look either disgusting, or scary and we felt sorry for it. So, we let it go. Probably, not the best decision of our lives, but what is done is done. Have you ever seen a huge cockroach? Ewww! We are still worried it might had layed eggs behind the closet, but we are hoping it was a male roach that always wore a condom.
So, tonight, after airing the room for one entire night, we will once again sleep in our bedroom, although sleeping on the mattress, on the floor was kind of fun and weirdly enough, a bit better for my back.
Tonight, is the first night of the new moon and there are a lot to be done. Two cleansing spells, a protection ritual, the blessing of two amulets for two clients and i hope i can take a magical cleansing bath.
I am leaving you now to work out a bit and prepare to go to the zoo. We are regulars there, ever since we purchased year passes and  there we all have so much fun!
Ps. i understand that my last post sounded a bit like goodbye, but it was not meant to as such and i have no intention to stop blogging. So, you are stuck with me!

Blogging....

Greetings blogfriends. Tonight has been a lazy night. So, i went back and read some old posts. Have you ever done that? Is 'nt it wonderful to remember all the the little things that tend to slip through our hands and memory?
I want to thank you for being here all those years to keep me company, share my little joys and sorrows and for the occasional vents. Also, you have given me strength to be openly pagan in real life, no matter what the cost. I would not be able to do it without you! Also, i am grateful for all the friends i gained here, even for those i have already lost. It is always sad when a blogger you felt close quits blogland, and tonight i saw how many have come and gone.
I truly love you guys and know that i am grateful i have you in my life.
May the Goddess bless you and light your path!

Denial is a...witch!

I need someone to remind me every day that I am not the incredible Hulk. Perhaps if I make this phrase my ringtone I will remember that I am still in the process of healing!
Remember how I was doing better? The day before yesterday I went running, after I had already worked out and I had done some cleaning! Retrospectively, not the best decision I ever made.

About souvlaki...

You know i am greek right? Well, we love souvlaki. It is probably our main source of energy. Although you do not see many variations( it is usually gyros, tzatziki, tomato, fries and onions wrapped in pita bread), most of us do not mind having that for dinner every day of the week. Or perhaps it is just me and i should not speak for the rest of the greek citizens.
Well, the last couple of nights i made the best souvlaki, my husband and I had ever had. They were delicious and much healthier than the original ones. You see my mom came by the other day and brought us about a million burgers. So, we were trying to finish them before they go bad, but at some point we could not see another mpifteki (greek word for burgers). We tried them with some tomato sauce, inside a salad, topped with cream cheese, with bbq sauce, with ketchup, for breakfast, but they were just too many. We thought about inviting over a couple of people to have a mpifteki party but i was kinda sick. At this point, you might think i am kidding about the amount of burgers, but trust me i am not. I think she made over 4 pounds of beef for just the two of us.
Anyway, we were losing the battle with time and we could see the bacteria cultivating fast. We had to eat them fast. I know you are probably thinking why not put them in the freezer and thaw them in  a week or so, but i can not eat frozen meals. It just feels weird. So, i thought why not buy some whole wheat pita breads and make some tzatziki to have them? But, by the time we came back home i was too tired and running a fever to make tzatziki. Besides, i have not been cooking for some days and there were things in the fridge that would spoil and they should be our priority.
So, i had to cook some questionable mushrooms (by now, i am sure you are all dieing for a dinner invitation from me). And there was a lettuce salad that has reached its expiration date. I diced a lot of onions(they were n't looking great either) and caramelized them. I cooked the pitas and the burgers to be warm and soft with cream cheese and  cheddar( which was not going bad, but seemed like a good idea). And finally, i wrapped the delicious assortment of things.
Pita bread, cheeseburger, onions, mushrooms and a pepper that i also found somewhere, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, some light mayo, ketchup and mustard with some grana padano which you guessed it, was reaching its expiration date. This was the best almost expired food i have ever had. Something between a burger and a souvlaki. We ended up eating them two days in a row. The second day, we were pretty hesitant about taking the first bite and kept smelling them first, but as soon as the souvlaki reached our taste buds we threw caution in the wind and devoured one each. Now, i am happy to inform you that the morning is here and we have not food poisoning!

Weight loss spell

Greetings blogfriends! I am much better today. Thank you for all your wishes. Tonight I came here to tell you about a mirroring spell I did a couple of months ago.
As you already know I have struggled with my weight a lot. But this was not always the case. I had a bit of a metabolic problem due to some hormonal imbalances I had as a teenager, but I was still a thin person. A very hungry thin person.
A few years ago I unintentionally exchanged energies with someone very close to me. I was performing a coffee reading to her and suddenly a coldness came over me and I couldn't breath. At that moment I saw some gruesome details of her surgery but the feeling was deeper and completely overwhelming.
That person was obese but started losing weight and I started gaining. At that point in my life I did readings anywhere and under any circumstances. No protection whatsoever. I was young and naive.
My health problems became gradually uncontrollable and the doctors could not help me. When they couldn't explain what was happening with my thyroid they either thought I was lieing about the medications they were giving me or told me it was stress. But the only thing stressing me was my condition. Anyway, the years went by and I did some spells,all love and light, and I managed by tuning in to my body to selfmedicate and control my various metabolic conditions. I managed to lose a lot of weight really slowly and painfully. But I was grateful because there was a point that all the pain and struggle would not matter.
But then I became pregnant and gave birth to the most magical creature. When she was inside me she was draining me completely and so all I managed to do was to protect her. When she came I was a mess. My thyroid was once again uncontrollable and I had a cancer scare. My doctors adjusted my medication and then I had the worse case of hypothyroidism in years. I was producing   more than 2 litres of breastmilk per day, eating extremely carefully and I was gaining. When the  milk stopped it only became worse. I would spin like a crazy person and no sweat would come out. For months I was malnourishing myself and work out the best I could with my bad back and I wouldn't stop gaining. But not once I lost my hope and not once I gave up. I found an enzyme that helped and kept pushing.
At this point I managed to stop gaining.But, by this point I have had it! So, I put my witchy hat on(well not literally that is just for Halloween) and I cast a mirroring spell.
 It had three parts. It involved sending the weight to those that wished me harm(in this case, weight gain). Also, I combined it with a curse breaking spell of my mom's and a blood offering for beauty. All my fingers bled and my doorway was marked. It happened on the Full Moon.  Looking at her silver beauty it all came to me and I was entranced.
After that I started sweating and shedding the pounds more easily than ever. And a few people began gaining. Amongst them, this friend of mine. By the first moon she gained 6 kilos while I lost the exact same amount. I was not happy by her troubles. It only proved to me that her love towards me was not as pure as mine. Fortunately she stopped gaining and I did not stop losing. Both facts gave me great pleasure. I was surprised to see a couple of people complaining about inexplicable gain and really surprised by another who did not. I keep chanting the prayer every day.
This spell brought me great things. Most important of all it almost healed my back. It made me sweat like a pig. It gave me a glow I haven't had in years. It led me to incorporate in my routine eft tapping and cinnamon and honey potions( I will make another post just about those two soon).But most important of all, after two months of worrying disbelief I finally feel free!
I know mirroring spells are frowned upon some Wiccans but I have never done anything that felt more right in my mind.
And finally, I want to discourage everybody from self medicating. It is wrong. I just have a bad carma with doctors mainly because of my Saturn in Scorpio. My grandmother was born under its influence(died because a doctor forgot a radium treatment inside her!).
My mom was born under its influence(she died once for a few minutes and came back and then almost killed because a doctor would not admit a surgical mistake that required plain calcium supplements).When I was born I could not breath for 5 minutes because a doctor after days of labor did not do a cesarean.
And now my daughter was born under its influence(yes, we procreate every 28.5 year's) and I hope she has better luck than us.
If you have Saturn in Scorpio choose your doctors carefully!
Be blessed my love's!

Best cold of all times

Greetings blogfriends. Last week i was very productive at the beginning. I worked a lot, i worked out, i did my physical therapy, i cleaned,spent a day at the beach and i rearranged all three of my balconies and took care of my plants. They needed trimming. lots of spraying with soap water, re potting, iron supplement, compost....the works. That would not be a lot of work but i have so many. One day i must take pictures to show you.
But then i came down with a cold. It has never happened to me in the Sumner again i think. I had to spent a few days lying down and away from the baby so, she would not get it too. The first day i was quite miserable, not only i was coughing and sneezing and shivering and i had menstrual cramps, but also my  back was killing me from all the hard work i did. The second day though something remarkable happened. I woke up with no pain what-so-ever. This has not happened to me in almost two years. I mean there are days the pain is bad, really bad and not so bad. But never pain free. I spent two days  with no pain at all. I could not believe it. And then i got up and steamed the house to kill the germs and it came all back. But, i realized something. If i res,t my back will heal. I know you all thought simultaneously duh! but after all this  time, pain, treatments,  exercise and restraint of doing so many things i did not think it was possible.  Now, i have to gather all my inner strength and sit my ass down for a while. I think a week would do wonders. I can do it. It is the perfect time since my husband does not work very much this Summer. I just have to allow myself to heal properly.
So, where i was getting with all this? Yes there is a point! I know that this cold happened to me, because it was the only thing that would keep me from picking up Melina Nefeli all the time. It was the only way for me to heal. There are no coincidences. Plus, the fever made me lose two pounds. So, all and all this was the best cold i ever had!

Melina Nefeli's birthday- Wiccaning

Greetings blogfriends! How are you? We celebrated Melina Nefeli's first birthday last Saturday. My baby is not a baby anymore. She walks, she is constantly mumbling and if it wasn't for her almost bold and blond head she wouldn't look at all like one!
We had her Wiccaning in the balcony, because that would be easier for het but it turned out beautiful. She was on our table and her Godmother,her dad and I held hands creating a circle around! We had to let go once because she kept eating our papers(babies these days have no respect for rituals!!). There were four dressed candles that smelled fantastic marking the corners and there were also symbols for each of the elements. We chanted three different prayers, that called upon the elements, elementals ,our ancestors and the Goddess to bless her and guide her.
 She wore a protective talisman of moonstone  that I wore during my pregnancy. Also I made her a wreath out of ivy that she wouldn't wear, so I wore it and looked like a fairy!She would have worn a tutu dress I made her but I can't sew and it was small. So, I removed the tutu skirt and put it over a dress of hers and she was like a tiny princess-bride-fairy. I will show you pictures as soon as I upload them!
The rest of her birthday involved a monster cake I built out of 5 cakes and a pot of icing, being eaten by three adults a baby and two neighbors in less than 24 hours! Now that's an accomplishment! Of course I will show you pictures of that too!
When the evening fell we headed of for down town, where she wemy to her first concert. First we heard classical and then jazz! 21 of June is the European day of music, so the event was wonderful. She loved it too of course! Then we returned home and mom sang while dad played the guitar, like every other night!
She had a lot of fun and so did we. We didn't have a party and that was a great idea!So, how was your Solstice?

Shadow work, mirroring spells and a cake

Greetings blogfriends. I am missed you dearly. How are you all lovely creatures? I am doing better back-wise. I have weekly pt appointments. Two months ago i was able to start slowly working out and now i manage to do on a daily basis a lot of core training, interval spinning, yoga or stretching. I have become a lot stronger and the pain vanishes gradually! I just have to restrain myself from doing any work on the house and from carrying the baby all day.
It is only a week till her first birthday and it is cake time. Which means i have to make many experiments, feed the neighbors and perfect what i will make for that day. I plan to start tonight.
On a magical note. Tonight is the last night of the full moon. Lately i have been doing a lot of shadow work although i usually do it around Samhein. I worked on some of my issues, stress and pressuring myself too hard. But also, i did some mirroring spells, because there was a bit of negativity going around. I send all the negative energy to where it came from. I am usually reluctant with those kind of  spells but this time i felt we really needed that. The house now is so bright, full of love and laughter. I used a lot of mandrake root, belladonna, poppy seeds and labdanum among other ingredients i rarely get to use. And now i can focus all my magical work on greeting the Sun on the longest day of the year.
May you see a lot of fairies and have the most happy Midsummer this year!
Be blessed, loved and free!

I am an effing genious!!

Greetings blogfriends. I have been having some blogger troubles, or perhaps some browser problems. I have no idea what was exactly the issue, the hacker that i am. But, for a long two months, i had the impression i was leaving you comments, but i did not. After i was asked to choose a profile in every single one of your posts and after i always did, i thought that the comment was sent. I discovered noticing that none of you ever responded back that you never got any of it.
There were times i thought i have offended some of you and that you were even deleting my comments! It took my a while, but i got there. I changed my browser, yet again, created a google profile that i thought i had and i am about to irritate all of you by leaving comments after comments!!!!

A birthday, a Wiccaning and a Solstice!

Greetings blogfriends. How have you been? Let me fill you in on what is going on over here.Our goldfish unfortunately passed away due to stress apparently, which was very sad and i cried a lot because she was such a happy fish. But it led to us taking in two very interesting frogs by the names of Rose Quax and Pink Webek. They are the exact opposite of each other, one is outgoing , always hungry, big, female and very active and the other is scared of its own shadow, light eater, small, male and lazy. They  amke a fun combination.
Melina Nefeli is very funny, and has a lot of weird perks and idiosyncrasies. She still hates naps during the day and sleeps for 12+hours suring the night. Loves eggs, her cats, flowers, exploring the house and playing all day long. She is constantly talking, dancing and singing. Her favorite game is throwing her toys and making us catch them! Not as fun for us though! I can't believe she is almost one. In less than a month she won't be a baby any more.
On her 1st birthday, on the day of the Summer Solstice  we are going to have her Wiccaning. We are either going to have it by the sea in an ancient temple of  Hera or in a beautiful park near by, i have n't yet decided. I prefer the ancient temple by the sea of course, but it is far and it is going to be Saturday and there might be a lot of people bathing. It is just going to be me, my husband and a sister witch. I know it is going to be intimate, simple and happy, but when it comes to details, everything is unclear. All i know is i want us to be wearing white and Melina Nefeli to be wearing a ring of flowers on her head. For her to be blessed by all four elements and the Spirit and also to be  cake. It is going to be a birthday after all. If you have any ideas please let me steal them and pass them as my own!
Be blessed, be loved and be very magical!!

Blogtherapy..

Today was a difficult day. Actually i have n't had such a bad day for a long time. When you hear harsh words from family, especially undeservingly, they resonate with you in ways that you can't avoid getting hurt. I  have to figure out a way to not entangle with other people's  psychological disorders.
I sympathise with people that suffer from clinical depression. But when they are family members they can be very toxic. The things they say because they feel unwanted even when you are trying to help them really sting. I know i can not take them personally but i can't help it. I am a very emotional person and i can nor turn it off.
Thank you for your support and forgive my vent!
Be blessed!

Black curtain

My soul is hiding behind a black curtain. But it can not avoid for ever being hurt. At some point, the words will have to sink in. The feelings will have to sink in. The pain will have to sink in. 

I must allow myself to heal. I must see myself for what it is now, a little child. It is time to grow up. And never get back to this place again. Dust myself off and move on.

May you have lots of unconditional love in your life. Love and light.

Blessed Beltane

May you dance with fairies all day long!!

Just a day around the house.

Greetings bogfriends! Today, i swept the house with the broom! Then i vaccuumed it. Then i mopped it(is that even a word?). Then i steam cleaned the floors(yes, they were n't clean enough yet), baby's big rug, baby's small rug, baby 's fur toys, baby's crib and everything in it, baby's stroller, baby's chair, our shoes, one of my client's shoes(i had just cleaned) and every surface i could think of. Then i did 4 loads of laundry and picked up three dry ones. I changed the sheet. I changed some pots. Fed all animals and baby(me and the husband are still hungry). Cleaned the water of the fish's bowl. I saw a couple of clients. Can you believe the house is a mess again only after half a day?
 And then i let the baby explore the house for 3 hours, which translates into me following the baby around for 3 hours. Then i bathed her and we played some more. She went for her first time out(her first 3 time outs actually) because she would n't stop eating some cables,  then a pine cone and because no matter what i did she had to throw down a cup of coffee(i do n't think she understood the concept, she would n't stop laughing). Then i cleaned the spilled coffee from the walls.  We sang and played the piano(she  shrieked while pressing random keys).Fed her a couple more times. Put her to bed. She was exhausted!
My back is hurting, but who cares? She took her first step today! She was standing without holding on to anything, took a step, standed a bit more and then fell down! Her legs are so bruised lately because she is standing and falling all the time. Have i mentioned that she only takes one small nap during the day and is  constantly in motion?
I used to hate cleaning up. The house was always a dirty mess. Now, it is still a mess, but a clean one. I can't believe how much Melina Nefeli changed our lives. I am still eating pop corn and watching Friends every night. But, now i do it in a clean house.
Be blessed, be loved and be lucky enough to have a live-in maid!

Goldfish!

Greetings blogfriends! How are you? We went this Saturday to our first children party and we were given a pet goldfish in a tiny bowl. Do n't get me started on how inconsiderate gift i think this is. Because we could n't find a proper home for her we are making her an aquarium.We would never keep a fish in a bowl, since it is really bad for them, so we spent a lot of money on a pet we did n't really want. But i have grown fond of her in this two days and i am really excited about creating the best conditions for her. 

Also, we decided to also give her a roomate, a tiny pink water frog! How exciting is that? I am going to actually have a pet frog. I love frogs! I think frog is one of the most magical creatures! When the whole thing is set up, and ready for them( it takes some time for the water to get ready), i am going to post some pictures of them! 

The thing is that although in most cultures fish are considered good luck, in Greece it is the opposite. But i let my insticts guide me and i felt really good about it. Nonetheless, it always is kind of difficult to incorporate the water element in  a home. So, i think it will take some time till i find the right place for the tank. I can already picture Petro getting really annoyed to carry the tank from one place to the other!

Have a blessed week my darlings!!!

Dreamwork, sociopaths and instincts(you got to love my titles, right?)

Last night was the first night for a long time that i slept without my dreamcatcher over the bed. Of course i saw a nightmare. My nightmares always come to protect and guide me, as you fairy creatures must know from yourselves. As dreams they always come to show a hidden truth either from the present, past or if you are magickal the future.
Nightmares are the most violent of dreams, sometimes in a way that  lingers at the corner of our psyche all day long. They are  not to be taken lightly. When i do dreamwork i take my dreamcatcher off. I also make pouches, drink teas and meditate. This leads to a very unsettling sleep and it can not oand should not be done for a long period of time. But it is a great practice and it opens up our consciousness in ways that are n't possible in any other way.
Wonderful tool for self acceptance, growth and healing and ideal practice for enhancement of our psychic abilities. Learning to decode and unblock the subconcious is a life long effort that is worth the work.
When you want to do dreamwork make a tea of valerian, lavender, chamomile, damiana and linden. Also cannabis is supposed to work well if you are into this sort of thing. If you want to make a pouch use lavender, lemon verbena and chamomile, purple cloth and lace.
When you are done or you need a break put your dreamcatcher on that you have blessed under the New Moon. To bless it, lay it on a salt, say a spell that best focuses your intent and leave under the black sky till the morning comes.
My dream was a great reminder to protect myself and my family from sociopaths. Do you know any? For psychics any encounter with such a person is very draining. Always remember to trust your gut. If you sense something is wrong with someone keep your distance. Your instincts are there to protect you. Always believe in yourself!
Be blessed, be well and be safe!

Cell phone blogging, errors and pregnant ladies

How much blogging from your phone pisses you off? It is so convenient so you can't resist doing it, but then your autocorrect keeps changing the comments you leave and you don't realise it till it is too late. And then you go and check your comments and instead of publish, delete is pressed! How annoying is that?
So, if all of you wonderful people who left a comment that i accidentally deleted could be kind enough to come back and leave the exact same comment you originally left, i would be eternally grateful! No? You are not up for that? How rude!
I just want to give many blessings to two blogfriends that are walking down the most magickal path of their lives. They are about to become mommies and if you do not know them already it would be great if you went by to say hi. So, make a happy thought for them and wish them well.
Blogmommytobe number one:hindustanka
Blogmommytobe number two:Lola.
Have a blessed day my loves!

Bringing home a bit of Spring!

Greetings blogfriends! Now be honest! Is n't this the most amazing bouquet of flowers you 've ever seen in your entire lives? And with the exception of the rose in the middle that I stole from our building's garden it is made entirely of wild flowers! I just finished it and I am so proud of it!

 It turns out my blue mood has passed with the help of a strawberry chocolate cake I made. It was wonderful! We are about to mourn its loss because we devoured it! Only a sliver is left! In this family we have no restraint when it comes to desserts! I never understand people that have cookies laying around on their kitchen table! How do they do it?

What do you think of my triskelion? It is n't perfect but it turns out it is really hard to make a stencil from scratch!I love it though. At first I was going to make it over the wall that is behind me in my office. But then I decided I much prefered to be able to see it while I am working..The way you feel when you enter the room is truly beautiful! It is more than ever my sanctuary and I feel truly blessed to have such a witchy room and such a witchy line of work!
 I am off to pick more flowers! Spring is springing and I have to bring some of it home!

Nonsense

Do you feel sometimes like you are floating in between realities? Like you do n't really have a place in the world, an uneasiness of not belonging? A need to constantly varify your very existence, that takes a strenuous effort, because all you really want is to be washed away? Has your heart ever betray you? Maybe all this sounds like nonsense to you. I am pretty sure it is just that.
Today the sky is mirroring my soul. Thank the Goddess he forgot it was spring and painted the whole world grey. In days like that magick is the only thing that makes me whole again, but it only lasts for a little while and then my mind turns into a dangerous place again. Remembering...Going where it shouldn't, even though i know better than that..
But some days i can't help it! Memory is a tricky thing..

Happy Valentine's and blessed Esbat!

Melina Nefeli wants to wish you a very beautiful night!

The tiny witchling knows that it is a triple magickal night! Not only it is on Valentine's day and the whole world is going to celebrate the love in their lives simultaneously, but a Full Moon is going to shine upon us on a Venus day nonetheless...

So, if you are planning to cast a love spell, to bring passion in your life or make the one you already have even greater, tonight is your night! The forces of the universe are working with you!

Blessed be!

Back pain and fairies..

With a title like that I am wondering what you are expecting to read. I have not made any crazy connection between myosceletal issues and woodland creatures. It is just that my thoughts are more random than usual!
It has been 3 days now that I am down because of back pain.  But tomorrow I am going to my chiropractor and I will be as good as new!!!  For now I am extremely grateful of my recliner and my heating pad that I am resting on all day!!
 I miss playing with Melina Nefeli but at least we snuggled a lot and watched baby Einstein together! She loves those puppets..
 As soon I am able to move again, I am smudging the house though!!
 Have I told you that my fairies are back? Or at least my four leaves clovers are... They were gone all this time that I had other people taking care of my plants!
 I have only be tending to their needs for a couple of weeks and I spotted a tiny one!!
See? This post was just a teensy bit crazy!

Imbolc blessings..

.. to all! Today we made candles!! A big one and two small ones!! My husband helped me with the wicks! I can't get them straight... ever!!
But I can't say I was in the best of moods! Maybe the lack of sleep and the menstrual cramps took their toll! But today, on Brigid's day, I just can't come to terms with the decision to stop breastfeeding!
As I have mentioned in the past here, I was exclusively pumping(because baby could n't latch) for the first six months and then gradually adding solids to baby's diet.  I want to gradually stop my milk production by the end of March which would be 8 and a half months of breast milk for my little one but I feel so guilty and completely torn!
I understand now how emotional this process really is, even in my situation that I use the machine! I have to stop, because it is very time consuming and because the hormones wreak havoc on my thyroid and I am out of balance!
I read somewhere:"Whoever said don't cry over spilled milk was not a nursing mother.."
Oh! How true is that!! I have cried so much over breast milk! First it was n't enough then it was too much! Then I had to throw out 10 litres of it(!) that I had saved in the freezer because she wouldn't drink it! Then she would again! Not to mention the sleeplessness, mastitis and many other fun things that at some point included me sleeping with leaves of cabbage in my bra(yes, that really happened, I smelled like coleslaw in the morning, and not in a good way!).  Plus, I have n't had a tequila for almost two years! I could really use a shot right now!
But the most important reason I want to stop is to be able to take the baby for fun trips and outings and I can't do that if I have to be here every three hours for at least half an hour. Athens is beautiful in the Spring and I don't want her to lose her first one.
So, I need to focus on the positive and prepare for it! I ordered some formula to ease her into the change in a couple of weeks. As I am writting all that stuff down I realise how small of a deal it really is and how much exaggerated it is in my head.
I am heading off to use the  water I blessed during the black moon we had a few days ago! A water to celebrate change and transformation.
As the Wheel turns so must I..

About songs and endings

I can not sleep! I am sitting motionless, completely still, listening to the rain falling hard outside my window. It feels as time ceased and I am lingering in a dark void.
Today was my final recital and I got my diploma with flying colours. Naturally I am overfilled by emotions, relief, happiness, love, pride, emptiness, nostalgia! It took me ten years to get here which is very little for that sort of thing but it is almost a third of my life and my entire adulthood! I can not stop thinking.. Well good, now what?
In one hand, I am a certified soprano, I could start a career and on the other I always thought that would be the end of the line for me! I was stretched too thin to get here and I kept pushing myself forward by thinking, just a little bit more, you can do it. I persevered but what I have not thought out, was the fact I do not want to quit! I do not care if I am not doing that professionally(I can not afford the time or the effort of that pursuit), but I just have to sing! When I perform I feel close to the Goddess, it is spiritual and it takes all I got!
I do not know how it is all going to work out timewise but ever since I came home I can not stop crying and that says something!! I will find the time! At the beginning of the year an operatic theatrical team asked me to join them, I think I will do that!
I was never good in dealing with endings, so I have to make it into a new beginning! Because I realised my musical side is not just something I can turn off!
Forgive my long rant, but you all know by now, you act as my extremely underpaid therapists!