Keep out! Long rant

Greetings blogfolks! Yesterday was the first night of the full moon with two more remaining and i had a blast!   I was working till 11 pm and when all my clients left i got to do some magick. Firstly, i made a rosemary pentagram and a lavender wreath that i left as offerings with a huge piece of apple cake at the crossroads. This is the way i thank the Goddess for my baby  since the night of the conception. Well, the rosemary pentagram is what i usuially do but i was feeling  a bit more crafty yesterday! Then i smudged my home with sage, as always deiseil beginning from the Eastern room and making a full cycle. At the same time i was saying my favourite cleansing spell. I usually do not do cleansings on the full moon, but the last few days a lot of people have entered my home all with their own set of problems and it was more than needed. And finally at the end i cast a prosperity spell, that i recently written and i absolutely love while burning some incense i made last month.
After all that i cooked dinner, watered all the plants(all one million of them!),fed my pets and finally at around 12.30 am i was off my feet eating while watching vampire diaries. I waited for my husband to return from work till 4.15 am and we finally slept around 5. So, needless to say today i woke up at 2.30 pm and now three hours later i am still on my couch drinking coffee trying to unwind from this past week.
:Lately, i am feeling that although i am constantly busy that i do not do my best. This past week i worked crazy hours but i have n't studied at all for my final exam for my classical singing diploma, besides not missing any of my classes. Also, i feel like i have n't worked out enough except some really long walks  i took every day. I feel like i could have eaten better although i am on day 5 after eliminating sugar from my diet. I went to buy some baby stuff but i stress about all the things i should have already done. It seems that if i do good in one part of my life, everything else just suffers. I can't help but feel guilty when on my spare time i am not productive. Like yesterday night instead of resting i could have studied, or meditated, or done some house chores, or make a baby musical playlist, or something along the lines. As i write all this down i understand that this is not a healthy mindset. At the very least, it is a very hard place out there, hostile and dark. Whenever we try to turn it into a happy place, full of light, it is nothing short of a miracle. When we try to create a smile, for us or those we love, or even those we barely know, when we do something to improve ourselves, lives, or surroundings, even the little things, we manifest greatness.
So, i should stop focusing on what i do n't do and really pay attention in all my tiny victories. This week, i helped a lot of people through my work. I enjoyed many long walks. I cut off sugar. I bought some new clothes for me and a few baby essentials. I worked hard on my classes. I made for me and my family many healthy meals. I spent time with my mom. I connected with the Spirit. I talked and sung to my baby. I watched a movie with my husband.. We came up with a name for our baby. I gave a lot of love to my pets. I arranged my closet. And, why not, i found myself some time to relax and recharge.
 I have to accept the fact that i deserve a slow day. Some way, somehow..
Blessings and love and happy full moon!


Baby girl and Esbat plans

Greetings blogfriends! Who are you all amazing people doing today? We are ecstatic. The doctor just told us that we are having a baby girl which is good because, i had already bought a bunch of cute pink stuff and we have been referring to the baby as a "she" for months now.
On a magical note the full moon is just around the corner and i personally can't wait. I want to cast a blessing on the house because there are a lot of stagnant energies(as always this time of the year). I have collected on a recent trip spring water from a beautiful frozen mountain and i am going to bless it with basil(I still have one surving in the living room) rosemary and hibiscus flowers(that are still blooming outside, which is weird because it is really cold). Basil for luck, rosemary for cleansing and hibiscus for love. I will charge it under the full moon and sprinkle it around the house and water my plants with it. Also a couple of spells need to be cast on those three magical days.
Also it is time to plant a few seeds for good luck. I have some seeds of evergreens and i can't wait to plant them because they correspond with health, stability, longevity and protection. Each seed in a separate small pot with a twig, a written wish on paper and a coloured string.
What are your plans for the upcoming Esbat?


Biotin issues, opinions needed....

Greetings to all of my wonderful blogfriends. Now that the word is out i can finally write here again. This is my place of truth, so keeping such a big secret from here made it impossible for me to blog. I want to tell you about a recent adventure  i had that really scared the crap out of me!
The last couple of months i have developed seborrheic dermatitis on my face(especially around the nose, eye brows and forehead) and inner ears. I also had raw lips, really cracked especially at the edges which were swollen and painful. All these things are symptomatic with biotin deficiency very common in pregnancy(uncommon otherwise). If you read how this can affect a fetus(studies made on rats) you panick. So, of course, i called my obgyn, my very expensive, very well known obgyn, by the way! The midwife picked up, as always! She  had never heard of biotin and told me to visit a dermatologist! At this point i have to mention it was two days before New Years  so no one was working. I tried calling a really good doctor who happens to be my mom's client but she did n't pick up. And so the panicked pregnaqnt lady called the SOS doctors who make home visits. In my gut i knew before hand that this was a mistake. That the doctor would be an idiot. I cried and set up an appointment anyway. He came, he told me i had a seborrhoic dermatitis which i knew, that it had nothing to do with biotin deficiency(?!?),it was due to stress, and that my lips were cracked because of the saliva running through them during sleep!( What the fuck???!!) He took 100 euros, prescribed me with daktodor, and left!
Called the midwife again she said to take the ointment and that i did n't need anything else. I started cried again really hard(not while on the phone)!
I then called again my mom's client. She picked up, told me it was nothing to worry about, that i can take the ointment AND a biotin supplement and that it was really common in pregnancy!! I started crying again from relief this time. Called the midwife one more time and she sounded irritated that i was bothering her again. Keep in mind that in all these months i have never called them to ask for anything. Once i saw a drop of blood and because it did n't continue i told them at the scheduled appointment. She said she would have to ask the doctor and that she would call me back. This was around noon. She called me back at 21.00 o clock in the fricking evening to say that the doctor said it is not necessary to take a supplement but i should if it will make me feel better!! ?????What?????
My instincts have never failed me, i knew what was wrong with me and i needed the support of my doctor because i can not make any medical decisions by myself  anymore. I felt really alone in all this and made me second guess my choice of obgyn.
Now bare in mind that i love you guys no matter what and if you feel like i was totally overreacting you are free to tell me so. I really want to hear someone else's perspective in all this, because i am obviously subjective and hormonal and this situation keeps bugging me. What 's on your minds?
Be blessed, be loved and be safe,


I have an announcement to make!

Greetings blogfriends! I have been gone for a while but i had a pretty good reason. The actual reason was that i was in an introvert mode but i will get back at that. A lot has changed in my life since i was last here. Most of the things i was doing have faced out of my life, i am not kickboxing anymore and i am barely singing. But the change is much deeper than that. Every New Year's Eve i make this set of goals that are near to impossible(or downright there) and i force myself to do them and if i fail to any of them i feel bad. This time i have n't even thought of any resolutions. All my wishes are the same, all my desires begin and end to the same place. I just want to have a healthy and happy baby. Yes, you guessed that right i am pregnant. I just entered my 5th month. I wanted to tell you right away, but there were people in my life i have n't told and i did n't want them to find out too soon. Many do n't know still. We broke the news to most, but we do not broadcast it. But, nontheless this is my place to share and grow and it was time.
We were blessed, because we did n't even try. It was just this one time of unprotected sex on the full moon of September 30th. We have agreed to start trying after December this way i would be able to graduate this year. But that night we were driven by the Moon, entranced even. It was magical. After it happened i went to the crossroads and thanked the Great Mother with a rosemary pentagramm for the blessing She has bestowed upon us and i filled my hair with jasmine. It was very late and i was alone in the streets  just me, my dog and the silence. I came here and wrote a post but i could n't tell everything because i did n't want people in my life to know. Which seems weird but i am very cautious about energies. So, i  wrote and left the most important part out.
 I knew i was pregnant right away. My mom kept telling me for 2 weeks that i am crazy and it does n't happen that easily. I could n't wait to be officially late to take the test and 2 days before my period was supposed to happen i peed on the stick and it was positive. All this time i have been meditating, doing prenatal yoga and taking pregnacare vitamins.
Then i had a complication and i had to stop singing, moving and  generally doing anything that did n't involve a couch. It was scary and combined with the constant morning sickness, i was  pretty miserable. But then finally after a bunch of u/s's the detachment was gone and i could stop taking utrogestan so the nautia was gone and i could do things again. I am still trying to return to normal and do the best job i can to provide a good home for her(we still do n't know the gender but all the women in my family have girls..).
Most of the magical things i have been doing was for protection of my baby. Every full moon, for all the three days of it, i have been leaving the same offering on the same crossroad to the Moon Goddess, thanking Her and asking for Her blessing.
Although, it is the scariest time of my life, i have never been happier and everything has shifted inside me. All the things i used to obsess about, all the things that seemed to matter just ceased to exist in my mind. It seems extreme, but it just happened and i do n't feel bad about it. Maybe i am still in a trance.
Blessed be and love to all.