Imbolc blessings..

.. to all! Today we made candles!! A big one and two small ones!! My husband helped me with the wicks! I can't get them straight... ever!!
But I can't say I was in the best of moods! Maybe the lack of sleep and the menstrual cramps took their toll! But today, on Brigid's day, I just can't come to terms with the decision to stop breastfeeding!
As I have mentioned in the past here, I was exclusively pumping(because baby could n't latch) for the first six months and then gradually adding solids to baby's diet.  I want to gradually stop my milk production by the end of March which would be 8 and a half months of breast milk for my little one but I feel so guilty and completely torn!
I understand now how emotional this process really is, even in my situation that I use the machine! I have to stop, because it is very time consuming and because the hormones wreak havoc on my thyroid and I am out of balance!
I read somewhere:"Whoever said don't cry over spilled milk was not a nursing mother.."
Oh! How true is that!! I have cried so much over breast milk! First it was n't enough then it was too much! Then I had to throw out 10 litres of it(!) that I had saved in the freezer because she wouldn't drink it! Then she would again! Not to mention the sleeplessness, mastitis and many other fun things that at some point included me sleeping with leaves of cabbage in my bra(yes, that really happened, I smelled like coleslaw in the morning, and not in a good way!).  Plus, I have n't had a tequila for almost two years! I could really use a shot right now!
But the most important reason I want to stop is to be able to take the baby for fun trips and outings and I can't do that if I have to be here every three hours for at least half an hour. Athens is beautiful in the Spring and I don't want her to lose her first one.
So, I need to focus on the positive and prepare for it! I ordered some formula to ease her into the change in a couple of weeks. As I am writting all that stuff down I realise how small of a deal it really is and how much exaggerated it is in my head.
I am heading off to use the  water I blessed during the black moon we had a few days ago! A water to celebrate change and transformation.
As the Wheel turns so must I..


mxtodis123 said...

Imbolc blessings to you and yours as well. Sorry to hear you are going through so much emotional turmoil. When I gave birth, many, many years ago, they never emphasized breast feeding as they do today. In fact, it was just the opposite. Formula was the best. So, I never breastfed either of my boys, so I can't even imagine what you are going through. Please, don't let it make you so unhappy. I wish I knew the right words to help you.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Imbolc blessings to you and your poor titties! Sounds like they've done their job and deserve a rest!

angela said...

I'm do sorry Hun, I truly understand what your going through. But remember feeding and hugging your baby is what is important and you have to look after you too. Blessed Imbolc to,you and your family xx

TheBlakkDuchess said...

Imbolc blessings!

Breast feeding can be such a difficult subject to discuss since so many people have so many strong opinions on the matter. In the end, I think that you have to choose what is best for you and your baby in your situation and that no one can tell you the "right" or "wrong" answer.

I had to smile when I read about the cabbage leaves, since I was just reading about that as a way to slow down milk production. I can't imagine I'd like smelling like coleslaw either! ^__^

Hang in there and breathe deep. You got this! Have a wonderful and fun first Spring with your little one.


rose of Walk in the Woods, LLC said...

Beautiful Imbolc blessings to you, and may you find balance to all in your life very, very soon!

Anonymous said...

Brightest Imbolc blessings to you sweetie. Honey, give those "girls" a break! Breastfeeding is a very personal choice. The one thing a baby really needs is love, and I know yours has plenty of that. ;-) Hugs, Mina.

Leanna said...

You're doing the right thing by easing her into formula. You're a great mom.

OMG! When I get the night sweats I wake up smelling like sour cranberries.That's just downright nasty. I take the cranberry gel tablets to help fight off UTI's. I'm so prone to them in my old age.