I can not sleep! I am sitting motionless, completely still, listening to the rain falling hard outside my window. It feels as time ceased and I am lingering in a dark void.
Today was my final recital and I got my diploma with flying colours. Naturally I am overfilled by emotions, relief, happiness, love, pride, emptiness, nostalgia! It took me ten years to get here which is very little for that sort of thing but it is almost a third of my life and my entire adulthood! I can not stop thinking.. Well good, now what?
In one hand, I am a certified soprano, I could start a career and on the other I always thought that would be the end of the line for me! I was stretched too thin to get here and I kept pushing myself forward by thinking, just a little bit more, you can do it. I persevered but what I have not thought out, was the fact I do not want to quit! I do not care if I am not doing that professionally(I can not afford the time or the effort of that pursuit), but I just have to sing! When I perform I feel close to the Goddess, it is spiritual and it takes all I got!
I do not know how it is all going to work out timewise but ever since I came home I can not stop crying and that says something!! I will find the time! At the beginning of the year an operatic theatrical team asked me to join them, I think I will do that!
I was never good in dealing with endings, so I have to make it into a new beginning! Because I realised my musical side is not just something I can turn off!
Forgive my long rant, but you all know by now, you act as my extremely underpaid therapists!
26.1.14
About songs and endings
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6 comments:
Congratulations. What a great accomplishment.
Mary
Congratulations a,d very well done. Of cause your emotional all that time and energy and now that part of it is over. I day go for it. If ite too much you can moderate it to fit into your life. But if you don't then the " what if's" I'll always linger in the back of your head.
Good luck xxxx
Congratulations, my dear!! I am so proud of you! You finally did it! As for the rant, you're just letting off steam from all the pressure you went through. I'm really so proud!
Congratulations! And I love your introspective writing.
Congratulations to you my friend.
Big, beautiful, bountiful blessings to you! What a wonderful achievement.
Clearly, this is an integral part of you, and you're right, you can't turn it off. Nor "should" you. That operatic theatrical team sounds like a wonderful and fitting opportunity ~ for you *and* the goddess.
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