22.7.09

Adventures and fears..

A new adventure on the horizon!!! I am searching for a small place full of trees and flowers close to my home that i can go and escape. The catch is that it can not be a park( not that there are many around) it has to be kind of isolated. The fact that i have a car should make it a lot easier. There is a mountain(Parnitha) not many miles away from here but i do not know how to get there. Pathetic hah? I have been there many times but always someone else was driving.
I have an irrational fear of getting lost while driving alone. So, i do not go to places i am not sure i know how to get there. I am telling you all this so i can find the strenth to overcome thaat silly fear, that because of it i am missing out so much. My magickal place awaits me. I shall not allow my fears to hold me back.
It is funny the things we are afraid of. We can be so brave in the face of true danger and yet freeze in panic when a teeny-tiny bee gets into our car. There are common fears. The darkness, hights, love and failure. So many people are afraid of love. Mostly, those who have had their hearts broken. In the same way i do not try to find my natural escape in case i get lost, so many people run away from love in case they get heart broken.
On the other hand, i believe the fear of failure is a phenomenon of our times. Not that it is a novelty. It has always been around. But more and more people do not try something because they might fail. What a paradox! I must admit that i am one of those people when it comes to music. I am terrified of failing, so i do not grab chances and chase opportunities. I hide behind my perfectionism so i can delay everything. Yes, indeed, it is funny the things we fear.
Well, one thing at a time. First, i will find my "escape", and then i will try to ovrcome greatest fears.
Be blessed and be brave.

2 comments:

Autumnforest said...

I'm glad you took my advice to eat with yourself instead of in front of a screen watching TV. I hope it helps you develop that relationship with yourself and with the food that is a respect for fueling your body and appreciating things that come from the earth. It's really an integral part of being pagan.

As far as the fears go, I totally understand. When I first started driving, I wouldn't turn left. Ever. I'd go make four right turns to go left. It was hilarious. I started taking easy left turns on empty roads at first and then on smaller streets that had a few cars and worked my way up. When I was a kid, my father would load us into the station wagon and go for a drive after church. We'd wander down roads and us kids would tell him to turn right or left. We took turns instructing him. We ended up in other towns we didn't even know existed, sometimes we ended up some place we knew. Most times, we ended up having no clue where we were. We'd stop into a little museum or bookstore or something and ask where we were. The people would eagerly sketch up a drawing of how to get back the roadway we knew. There's something serendipitious about just wandering around without purpose or plan. You find neat things. We found our favorite restaurant that way. I've been lost in my car more times than I can possibly explain. Usually it happens when my ghost hunting buddy and I decide to make a road trip to an unknown city. We laugh about it as we try to study the map and engage locals in the conversation of how to find our way back to where we need to go. Sometimes, we've been lost for hours, but we find the neatest things. Getting lost doesn't ever mean staying lost. There's maps, people who can help you, and eventually familiar buildings and such. Getting lost is part of the process to make you take note of your life. When you're driving, you appreciate an interesting building, a bend in the road, a tiny pond, and before you know it, you've just left a breadcrumb trail of memories you can use to get back. If you like to sing, you might sing about what you see as you drive by including street names and then make those few lines a memorized song. Eventually, you'll be driving and see an interesting street and turn down it and have to find your way out of the neighborhood by sense of direction alone. When you do that, you realize the fear has no teeth anymore.

ξeniáδa said...

Well, my opinion is to do one thing at a time. I would say that the most important thing right now is to overcome your fears (right now and generally). But that "small place full of trees and flowers" that you are describing might be the way to overcome many of your fears... A place where you can relax and enjoy at the same time the nature. A place - refuge. I think I can understand you. I think I am searching for the same place...
Have a wonderful night!
ξ.