What did I do? I buried me under layers of fat and obligations. I squashed my most bright version under my fear until there was nothing there but a shadow with whom I had nothing in common. I couldn't let go of the hope but it was always based on a fairytale. My knights in shiny armors couldn't find me in the darkest hole of my psyche that I was hiding. I don't want to accept it's too late but my investments were not only lacking but also wrong. Is there still time? To do what, start from the beginning? Or should I accept it's all but a dream, an illusion that fooled me? I didn't believe in myself, but to be fair I was taught not to. Did I ever really have a choice? How much can a person exceed their written path? How much is owed? How much is due?Should I accept the facts? Splitting my focus in a million things almost killed me the first time. Even if I gave myself another chance, how would that be any different? Will I give myself a chance, will I grab it? Just wanting to throw my questions out into the night. So, my Mother's infinite wisdom can once more find me in my dreams. Dear Mother, what path shall I choose now? I scatter my thoughts in a handful of dry rose petals, so my silent dillema can echo into the darkness.