I have news!

Power went down and i lost the post that i almost completed! As i was trying to say before, these days i am more relaxed and calm. I think that using the sounds of nature as a meditational tool and listening to them in my sleep has contributed to this.
Usually this time of the year i am totally wired and stressed over conservatory exams. But a major change has taken place and i am even considering of not giving one of the exams because i do not want to push myself over its limits once again. I am trying to live in the moment and do things that i feel like doing instead.
Like the fact that i am making a chakras balance test in a guestionnaire form. I am going to keep you updated on that.
On a happy, happy, ecstatic note i found a priestess and wait for it... a priest for my handfasting ceremony next year. Do you remember the new occult shop i was so excited about? While i was there i met the owner, a sweet girl and we talked a lot. I told her about wanting a ceremony yatta, yatta, yatta and today we talked on the phone and she offered to be herself the highpriestess and her husband the highpriest. This proves to me once again that when you trust your path of life you get touched by the universe 's pure force of light and love. I knew the perfect person will enter my life and it did.
On the downside, i have some issues. These days i am trying to fight some demons from the past. I can actually sometimes hear my mothers voice in my head telling me i have to lose weight. You see i do not measure beauty anymore with external characteristics, but some left overs of my mom 's preaching come to bite me in the .. every once in a while! Do not worry, there is not a chance in hell i am going to be one of those brides fasting themselves before marriage! I am just a little bit valnurable to her criticism now the wedding is more a reality than a possibility! Beauty is about energy, feelings, confidence and our innerself! These are the things i have to work on. But still it is hard to feel rejected by a person who is meant to love you no matter what, because of your looks. But i am strong and this is her problem not mine. She is going to lose a lot if she won't be able to accept me for the person i am. Besides, it does n't matter what anyone thinks except me and P. And in his eyes i am the prettiest gal.
Does anyone else thinks that blogging is better than therapy??
Brightest blessings to you all.


Anonymous said...

Great Post! And congratulations! I think we are our worst critic and don't beat yourself about the weight issue. Your perfect AS IS! And yes, blogging is better than therapy!

Have a great weekend!


jaz@octoberfarm said...

blogging is therapy. after being in therapy for 35 years i know!!!! no special things planned for next week. i just want to get summer started so that fall will be here soon. i am not a sumer person. it is my least favorite season. probably because we get so humid and it is miserable!good for you that you found the new friend that will help with the ceremony. "when the student is ready the teacher will appear"!!! BB joyce

Sharon Day said...

I actually drew a character of my mother with a tight bun and a pinched face and called her "Mrs. Nesbit." And she became my symbol for that voice in my head that bothered me about how I "should" do this and "should" do that. When I lookd at the picture, I realized it was a drawing of my mom! Yeah, it's hard to get past that part of you that is still child-like and wants parental acceptance, but their acceptance comes at the price of your soul sometimes because what they want for you is what they themselves couldn't obtain--an ideal life, ideal job, ideal appearance... I think that it's true that our bodies very clearly show our priorities. There's times in our lives when one thing is more important than another. Like, you might focus on the spiritual and not the physical or the emotional and not the mental... It doesn't mean you're not growing and getting more developed as a human, it just means your development at this time might be in one arena. Moms have a lot of anxieties after watching their baby chicks grow and they never give up thinking they need to continue the mothering. The problem is, their own insecurities come out. I told my friend once that when I lived on the beach in California, I was a size 4 (5'8" tall)--my modeling size, and I wouldn't go to the beach because I was embarrassed to be in a bikini at 21 years of age and a model's figure. Now in my 40s and not a size 4 anymore, I wonder why I wasted my youth with my insecurities. That's what mothers do. They worry that you'll realize you wasted your 20s, 30s, 40s, like they did. When you know where they're coming from, you can let it turn back on her. She's just holding up a mirror for herself and you can feel some compassion for how insecure she herself must feel.

Soraya said...

Firstly, I'm retarded and didn't realize that there wasn't a "add a comment here" button and I clicked a few things that I have no clue what they said but... I clicked them. :-p

Secondly, I absolutely LOVE your outlook on beauty. It definately touched me. I love that you believe it's the inside, and that the only people it matters is you and Your mate :) I only wish I could somehow manage to make myself feel that way about myself. And with that said, I'm sure that You'll be a BEAUTIFUL bride :)

Thirdly, I has a new blog, and I would love for you to follow that one... the old one got messed up. So I was hoping you'd follow the new one and give me the insight... It helps me figure out different things. :)

Blessed be!