An epiphany.

Yesterday while reading a new blog i am following i had an epiphany! Although in my everyday life i help and guide others, i do not let others help me! I do not ask for help when needed! And even if i do, in those rare occasions, i do not accept it! I find it relatively easy to selfsacrifice and provide to others what needed, but to open up to someone(even the people closest to me) is as hard as it gets.
So yesterday while i was having a ritual for cleansing my new beautiful crystalls under the moonlight, and preparing them for the full moon that comes, i opened up!
As you can probably imagine i have asked for guidance from the Goddess many times in the past. But last night i really meant it! So, because i felt i had to, i closed my circle, grabbed my goddess deck of cards, litten up three candles( one for every aspect of Her) and asked for guidance! One card for every candle! The first was Aphrodite the Goddess of love and sexuality. The second was Xochiquetzal the Goddess of flowers and change. And the third was Artemis the Goddess of femaly energy and independence. After that i meditated under the moonlight. I went to the place where my darkest of thoughts dwel, and i found out thoughts and images of self mutilation, horrifying enough to make me understand i fight with myself! It was hard and there was a point it felt beyond hope. And then Her healing touch, Her warmth and forgiveness, Her love and acceptance set me free. I did n't want to come out of it, but eventually i had to. And all that left me with the knowledge of the obstacles i have to overcome. Loving myself perfectly even though i am imperfect. Accepting myself the same way i accept others. Forgive myself and allow me moments of weakness.
And although yesterday now seems just a moment in the past i still carry the feeling of obligation to honour Her and to accept Her help! I must learn to love me.
Blessings to all.


Tavin said...

That was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing with us. It is very difficult sometimes to open up and truly feel what we are feeling, even if it is to yourself. I am so proud of you that you took that step. That means you are growing in so many ways. Always remember that experience and hold it close. Bright Blessings!!!!!