21.11.09

Do wounds close?

I have written and erased this post a million times. It comes out wrong. I am trying to make it seem less pesimistic but it is n't real. This is n't where i stand. It has to match my tears on my cheeks. Life is n't just our grand moments and some grand moments are n't actually happy. Saddness quides towards healing. This is why the last four days i have n't tried to pick myself up. I have to get through this. I do not need to protect myself from the pain anymore. And although i am tired of crying ,even physically, i am proud about the way i handle it. I could fake a smile, i could put up pretences, i could even convience myself i am ok.
There are some things i can't share with anyone in my life. Some things that it is easier to just keep silent. Maybe this is wrong. Maybe i misjudge the people close to me and i underestimate their level of understanding. But i know love is n't enough some times. Love is n't enough many times. Even in relationships, you can see life pertners, married couples loving and caring and still not able to "get" each other. I am not trying to make excuses for not opening up to the people in my life. But this is one leap of faith i am not ready to make. This way i risk missing out on the ultimate bonding and healing, but otherwise i risk losing someone while leaving myself completely naked. It is much easier to be the one always helping, the strong one.
Four days ago i showed love and kindness to a complete stranger and recieved back hatred. I know that these kinds of people are n't worth bothering. But this lady made me realise it only takes a couple of words to return to the pain of the past, a past i thought i conquered. Other times i would move past it, ignore my overwhelming feelings and not cry for four days straight. But now i am not hiding from my shadows. I embrasse them along with the pain they cause. Even though i am more vulnerable to some ugly memories this way, i keep doing it.
Wounds close, it just takes proper care. So, i just have to find the way. If you do n't mind send healing thoughts this way. They are needed and highly appreciated.
Brightest blessings.

10 comments:

mxtodis123 said...

I can feel your pain. I've been there. Yes, wounds do close...sometimes not as quickly as we would like them to. It took me many years to heal...many bad relationships, pain, heartache, but yes, I did heal after a lot of inner child work. I not only healed, but now my work involves healing others. Prayers and positive energies coming your way.

Kitty Moore said...

Yes, wounds do close. The person that hurt you was probably projecting their own feelings of pain on to you. That is their way of handling it. I am sending lots of positive, healing vibes and love your way. Stay strong. x

Bridgett said...

Wounds do close and heal, love. It's the magick of the human body.
Unfortunately, it takes time. But lucky girl, you...you have us.

I'm here anytime you need me.

)O(
boo

Autumnforest said...

I relate. I have been through an enormous amount of horrible things in my lifetime and I have to admit that through it all, I've remained loving, trusting, open, and optimistic, even when I shouldn't be, given what I've gone through. I trust others and open myself up, but I also understand that people are like dogs. Some are trusting and cuddly, others are cautious, some are downright mean when approached. But, I've always known that's their experience of life, not mine. It has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with their own self-hate and lack of self-esteem. I feel compassion for them, but I don't let them into my life. I leave that special place for good people like yourself who are real and genuine. People ask me, given what I've gone through, why I would trust people. Have you ever seen a dog that was beaten and still loves people and begs for love? He doesn't let one encounter with a human determine what others are like. We are all unique packages, some are gifts, others rotting trash. But, you never know until you open them up. Keep up your loving intentions and don't let anyone make you feel the cause of their own pain. You are nothing but joy.

Soraya said...

*hugs* I'm sorry about that. I hope you feel better soon. stay strong <3
Blessings,
Soraya

Shadow said...

wounds close and scars get faint. but they'll never completely disappear. but we can learn to get the right perspective over them, although, like you say, a few words can reopen them... love and healing streams coming your way!

Lyon said...

*gentle hugs* I believe you are right, sometimes you really do have to just sit with the pain, face it, not denying it. I am sending you supportive, healing thoughts, lovely.

Mejis said...

There is nothing wrong with crying or expressing your feelings. I totally understand about not being able to open up to certain people. I am the same way. It does hurt when you try to do something positive for someone and receive a negative responce. People can be very hateful. Don't let them bring you down.
*hugs*

GreenWheel said...

*big hug* those wounds will heal, the scar will sometimes itch, but will, in time, fade. In the meantime keep applying emotional lotion to it. Perhaps in time you can feel comfortable with your nakedness to let another share, furthering the healing. Maybe you won't and BOTH of these are okay and healthy. I don't blame you for handling as you have. I wish you the best in being able to continue to re-heal. The folks that hurt you have there own issues, they didn't need to project on you. It was needless, and worse, they have no clue how far their ripple has spread. I send you healing and happy thoughts, I will burn a candle in my GreenWitchWays shrine for you too. *big hug*

ξeniáδa said...

Everything is gonna be ok.
Don't worry and think positive (this last one you do know very well how to do it).
We'll be in touch.

Love,
Xenia.