27.9.09

Second post of the day. Punishment and reward!

I was at docwitch's blog and she has written a very interesting post about children. Not just about educating them, raising them but about living and interacting with them. How this society, with all it's psychological theories and break throughs is still not children friendly.
This made me remember of a conversation i had recently. I was saying that spanking is barbaric waiting and realised that my friend, who by the way is a psychologist and an abuse victim as a child, thought it is a much needed disciplinary method. That otherwise you can not make your children understand you, respect you and listen to you. That came to me as a shock! I never expected such a reaction from her. But the surprising thing was that the rest of our friends were agreeing with her. I am talking about a well educated European group of people in the year 2009, not some Middle Easterns whose only education has been the process of memorising the Koran. How is that possible? How can we believe that treating children like that is a correct approach? And how is the irony not obvious to everyone?
I am not a mother yet and i have not yet felt the pressures of motherhood. But i still think that something is terribly wrong with our society when hiting children is acceptable. When behavioral techniques for training dogs(still barbaric, but i do understand this is debatable!) are used to educate children. Punishment and reward.
This is the way to transform your children into "what" you want.

8 comments:

Cynthia said...

Recent studies connect IQ with children who are spanked and who are not. Of course it is not surprising to hear those not spanked had higher IQ's upwards of 8% over those who were.

Has mom I must admit I spanked my sons only about 3 times in their entire life -- I wish I remembered why. At the time it had seemed the only deterrent to something unsafe for them. I don't think I did any long term damage, but I don't think it was necessary in retrospect.

I've seen mothers grab their child by the arm and yank them in grocery stores, tell them to stop crying or else... instead of taking the time out to use compassion and other coping skills. Also there are just plain idiot parents.

I saw a woman on the "Today" show the other morning that offers a great book for parents - "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions." It seems to be a head above others. (for those who made read this)

It's good to see your blog again -- I'll be writing shortly and getting back to it myself :) hugs

SeeThroughGreen said...

So this is the second time Im writing this comment...my computer really wants to be trashed I think.

I agree with you both (you and your friend)
Having suffered from physical abuse for may years as a child, unknown to my mother, done by my father, I do not agree with beating a chid. Having said that, I helped to raise my siblings for 6 years when they turned 5 and 7 ( I was 12) and I will admit that durng this time I did hand out a few smacks that were well deserved in my eyes...sometimes it seemed necisary.
My abuse was not a smack with a hand but usualy involved bruises, cuts and welts from belt buckles, spatulas...once a rolling pin..
In that regard I do not agree with beating children, but I dont disagree with a slap.

Congrats on your tattoo by the way! I have been keeping up but for a while my computer would not let me post.

SeeThroughGreen said...

So this is the second time Im writing this comment...my computer really wants to be trashed I think.

I agree with you both (you and your friend)
Having suffered from physical abuse for may years as a child, unknown to my mother, done by my father, I do not agree with beating a chid. Having said that, I helped to raise my siblings for 6 years when they turned 5 and 7 ( I was 12) and I will admit that durng this time I did hand out a few smacks that were well deserved in my eyes...sometimes it seemed necisary.
My abuse was not a smack with a hand but usualy involved bruises, cuts and welts from belt buckles, spatulas...once a rolling pin..
In that regard I do not agree with beating children, but I dont disagree with a slap.

Congrats on your tattoo by the way! I have been keeping up but for a while my computer would not let me post.

SeeThroughGreen said...

So this is the second time Im writing this comment...my computer really wants to be trashed I think.

I agree with you both (you and your friend)
Having suffered from physical abuse for may years as a child, unknown to my mother, done by my father, I do not agree with beating a chid. Having said that, I helped to raise my siblings for 6 years when they turned 5 and 7 ( I was 12) and I will admit that durng this time I did hand out a few smacks that were well deserved in my eyes...sometimes it seemed necisary.
My abuse was not a smack with a hand but usualy involved bruises, cuts and welts from belt buckles, spatulas...once a rolling pin..
In that regard I do not agree with beating children, but I dont disagree with a slap.

Congrats on your tattoo by the way! I have been keeping up but for a while my computer would not let me post.

greekwitch said...

It is different with siblings! After deciding to become a parent it is a whole different deal. It is common practice brothers and sisters to hit each other.
I am sorry about your childhood. When i was younger i wanted to work for the police. I did not because i did not trust myself with a gun around people like that.
How sick can a person be to hurt someone so vulnerable as a child?

Autumnforest said...

I never once spanked my son. I treated him like a little adult in training. I explained things to him, distracted him, gave him options so he didn't feel like he was being forced to do things, such as, "we're going to go to the store. Do you want to go by the lake and wave at the ducks to get there or do you want to by the golf course and wave at the golfers?" he was still going to have to go to the store, but he got to choose how he did it. My son entered the gifted program at the age of 8 and remained in it, is 21 years old and has never done drugs, drank, or smoked. He's had several of his own businesses with success, is about to graduate from college, and is a filmmaker, drummer, artist, and computer expert. When people ask me how I did it, I tell them, I respected him, understood his inability at a young age to express his moods, and gave him options instead of directives. He's always been a wise old soul and very responsible because we didn't treat him like he was a nitwit. Spanking is barbaric. It's absolutely only good for the parent and horrible for the child. The moment a parent spanks a child, they cross a line and the kid will never ever be the same again when an adult can't control his own emotions. Your instincts are right.

Bridgett said...

We're a no spank household! :)

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