When life gives you lemons...

Greetings blogland. Thank you for all your wishes. You helped me a lot. You gave me courage, strenth, energy and some great advice. I decided that it is a good thing what is happenning to me, because now i get to have a full check up and it is a wake up call. I have to focus on me instead of stupid little things that i constantly worry about.
I am pretty sure there is a physical reason for my menorrhagia, but it is a period related problem, so the witch inside me can't help it but wonder. Why is it that my femininity is screaming help? Does it have to do with my baby denial that i lately have?
I used to be a baby person. I loved playing with children, talking to them, helping them. I strongly believed that socialising with children fills you up with energy. Lately i have lost my connection with them and with that side of me. I frick out at the idea of having children and the responsibilities they come along with. I do not feel ready and i am worried i will never be. I am afraid i would n't be a good mom, i am way too immature for that. I am still a kid myself.
Do you ever feel ready, though?
As always i will write my question on a leaf and let it fly to the Moon. Maybe then i will have my answer!
Brightest blessings my wonderful readers. Have a magical and serene afternoon.


Autumnforest said...

I learned the importance of regular checkups. I had cervical cancer at 17 years of age. If I hadn't had heavy periods and needed to go on the pill to regulate them, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor and found out that it was still in a curable stage after several surgeries. That's why I think sometimes bad things are actually good things in disguise. The baby thing I totally get. I was the baby of my family and had no experience with babies. I was a tomboy and hated baby dolls even. Their screaming drove me nuts. Somehow, though, when you have a kid, it's like this little person that you've known was there all along and you recognize each other as part of each other and you feel such a compassion and love and you become a mom immediately. I had no idea I had it in me until I gazed at my baby and said "hello, you look just like I imagined you." Now, I'm a baby freak. I still only had one kid, but have over 20 nieces and nephews and love babies--just to borrow. Everyone laughs because the concept of babies before used to put me into a cold sweat.

Anonymous said...

Hiya, just started reading the blog a little while ago - a big hello from my neck of the woods :)

The baby question is different for everybody right? I've always said that if you wait to have kids till you feel mature enough/finacially blessed enough you'll never have them (my oldest is 6 now but I've only really started feeling like an adult in the last 6 months or so)! But there's no denying that kids mean commiting a whole lot of your life to another (tiny!) human being... It's a big ask. There's ups and downs with everything, even the most amazing experiences aren't always a bed of roses. You'll know when you're truly ready and maybe the universe will give you a nudge in the right direction when the time is right! Hope you get everything worked out soon.

Nellie x

SeeThroughGreen said...

hey you!
I know what you mean about babies.... Im actually terrified of them.. not that theyre gonna turn into chucky dolls and murder me with a mini butcher knife... but that if i hold one, Im gonna drop it or if I dont support the neck right... or if i bump the soft spot.... you know... They just seem so much more fragile than they really are.
Myself, I dont want kids ever really. I cant see them as part of my furture. but at the same time... I think theyre cute and full of spontaenity...
I dont think you will ever feel ready.. I think it is one of those "jump and grow wings later" type things... like the spontanuous acts of children. :P
anyway! I think you would be a great mom... even though I only know you in blogland...
Peace out!

p.s... confidence guuurl!!! You are in control!

Mother's Moon's Message said...

truly do not think there is a perfect time to have a baby.. .especially the first... the unknown can be so scary. The stories that are told when in truth each situation is unique in itself.... I wish for you that when you send your leaf... the answer will be sent back to you likewise...

Anonymous said...

I get questioned by me Latin family on why I don't have kids, when am I going to get a boyfriend and on and on... and I question about what's wrong with me and the reality is there's nothing wrong. The truth is I am not ready and don't know if I want to have kids. I don't have the Biological clock ticking in me and don't feel a connection of having kids. It's really hard for me to envision that lifestyle when I am use to this one. I know I have the "Peter Pan Syndrome" - I don't want to grow up. Maybe one day I will...or not ;)

I hope you feel better!!!

PS: whatever decision you end up with at the end - it will be ok.

warmest wishes,


Nydia said...

Your feelings are perfectly natural, there's nothing wrong with questioning and fearing. But there is no such thing as the best time for a baby. I can tell that! When I got pregnant, I was about to break up with my ex - oh well.. a long story... - and I thought I wasn't ready. But when it does happen, you are, trust me. You may think you're immature now, but it doesn't matter.

Anyway, take your time and relax, nothing happens by chance, live a day at a time, first of all!

Kisses from Nydia.

Felicitas said...

I think you will know when/if you're ready to have children... I certainly did. Also, while I'm sure your extended period is your body's way of telling you something, it may not be as literal as wanting or not wanting children right now. Regardless, you need to go and have the situation checked out by a doctor. And then maybe also do some meditating on what the emotional catalyst could be.


AlmightyPen said...

From she who had three children while young and is now past the stage of rearing ... I think parenting is the most difficult (sometimes thankless) job a person can ever take on.


If you're not "ready" then wait. If you never have children -- there's nothing wrong with that decision. (Love your nieces/nephews and neighbor children.) When you are a parent, you must put that child's best interest first beyond every other desire you might possibly have. Children can delay careers, inhibit where you want to live and much more. That's a HUGE sacrifice. (I'm so thankful my lovable/adorable, worthwhile children are all now grown.)

~ Sighing with relief.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

so, do you want to cook or are you doing it for other reasons and it just isn't working? cooking is like gardening...if you don't have a true interest, it is just an awful task. i find that people who are not sure of their cooking skills are conservative about spices. especially salt! i wish i lived near by so i could teach you!!! it is so much fun and so relaxing!