Lost my cool

Greetings blogfriends.  Today I am going for my rai treatment trial run and to do every medical exam known to man. All these days I have surprised myself with my compartmentalizing skills.  I remembered again and again the quote of Phoebe about Santa on prozac in disneyworld getting layed,  which if you are a huge friends geek like me you know.  I mean I was the coolest.
 I did a decent effort to replace my lacking thyroid hormones with caffeine and running 50 flights of stairs a day for energy (which is not a comic hyperbole,  I run up and down 50 flights of stairs a day, me, hypothyroid!). I also have huge amounts of Saint john wort's teas along with other delightful herbs to keep me happy.  I try to undereat which becomes increasingly harder as my energy needs diminish by the day, so that I don't gain a crazy amount of weight while waiting for my treatment. I dance like crazy to not feel cold( so Shakira replaced Mozart in our house!). I meditate to keep my cognitive function up and running,  so I fought "hypohell" as it is so eloquently described with every fiber of my being.  All that while trying to prepare my sweet daughter that mommy will be away for about a month.
 And then yesterday my last night with her for that period of time after I put her for sleep with a smile I had a tiny melt down.  And by tiny imaging something between Chernobyl and Fukusima. I managed to walk to the living room from the nursery before I hit the floor sobbing and crying and keep saying to myself it's going to be okay again and again in English for some reason.  The fact that she is going to fall and cry, wake up scared, feel sad and need her mommy while I am away from her hit me like a bus. All that time I focused on the positive and then finally yesterday I couldn't.  This is a child that has  only spent the night of my surgery away from me ever since she was born and now this. I admit it.  I lost my cool!
 But now I have to go, run my stairs and get ready.  Talk to you soon. Love you all!!