Psychic's ramble!

Being special like every other thing has two sides. One that makes you feel good and one that scares you and causes you pain.
Growing up as a psychic in a family of psychics was fun. I remember small things like buying a hotdog becoming extraordinary with a vision that made me see exactly how much it would cost. Or after a break in school going to a math class and knowing that we are going to have a test. I told my best friend we are going to have a test and she said"no way, we had one last week". I told her that our math teacher will first teach us the next chapter and then test us on the previous one. And she did n't believe mostly because it was crazy. Apptitude tests come before teaching a new subject so this was making no sense. As the rest of the class listened to the teacher i was studying the previous chapter. And then suddenly he says :"Take out a piece of paper". My best friend looked at me with her eyes wide open. She kept asking how did i know. So that was fun. Acing that test was also fun. I felt unique and talented and proud. Once i saved my family from a fire and that felt also nice and relieving of course.
Then my teens came along and i could practice it every now and then in my mom's office. My accurate readings and the reactions of the clients made me feel like a star. Vanity comes with youth. I saw difficult things like sicknesses and death and i had no problem saying those things. It was a piece of cake. It was n't my fault those bad things would happen. I learned that very early.

People seem to remember a cute little girl in her pj's with a doll under her arm, suddenly saying weird, intimate things that were going to happen. One lady said:"it was so scary". Meaning, i was so scary.

I saw things i could n't understand, like death. How was i to know that those bad things would not happen to my mom and dad. And how was i supposed to know that i was n't causing those bad things. I said so and it happened. Would n't that make me bad? So night terrors came along. My mom had a hard time explaining to me what i was going through. Why i knew things about people i had never met. And everything calmed down a bit.

Then my mom and i played games like "what is this man thinking about"? and "do not try to think it. Feel it". "No logic just feelings". Card readings,tea leaves, hypnosis and magick. But of course all should be kept quiet. No one could ever know. It was a secret. Which was confusing. If it was n't something bad why could n't i talk about it with my friends.

The response was the same every time. Other people will not understand. Other people are not like us. So, all these explain the arrogance of my teen years. I was special.
If someone asked for a reading, they should be prepared. It was n't my fault if anything bad would appear. Everything was clear. Everything made sense. What i did made sense.

Then i moved out. I had my own practice now. And i knew what i was doing. I would just have to keep doing what i did. But then person, after person came.. They were n't strangers anymore. And what i said matter. But most of the times i had to convience that i was for real and that i was not a crook. Then i had to explain that my job was n't to sooth people's minds or tell them what they want to hear.The beauty is still there but sometimes i get so caught up doing those two things that it frustrates me.

I guess now it is more real. I am attached to people and care about them and what is going to happen to them. I just have to accept that it is human nature to not want to hear the "bad stuff". But it would be nice for once to feel like i am indestuctible again. Feeling makes you vulnerable. My old self would say weak. But strenght comes from feeling not the lack of it. I should keep that in mind.

So this was pretty much my life story. I hope i did n't bore you. Be Blessed, be happy and love.