Not holding my breath in anymore

In our house we are celebrating.  We are celebrating our health, our friends,  our family.  Last year I felt like my personal Winter was over and it was time for my personal Spring.  This whole endeavor has been hard as many times Spring has cold days. But the Sun is shining again.
 Yesterday, I went to a doctor that prescribed me a hormonal medication that I felt was right to me. He also said to me that he thought that my case did not require rai treatment. I already knew that, but since my first doctor said so, I just couldn't just not do it. It would always be at the back of my mind.  When there is a malignancy involved how can you not choose to be better safe than sorry?  But what he said to me was that I am completely cancer free. That he strongly believed I will remain so for the rest of my life and that I don't have to check it regularly as I would with the most aggressive scans that require radioactive iodine in small doses. I just have to be very careful with my hormone levels that have to remain at certain levels.  And I will have to check a particular hormone once a year to see if it is in the normal range.  Other than that I am good as new(well, getting there).
 This whole thing showed me many things. It made me stop being in denial about who is really there for me and who is really my friend. This is invaluable because the love I received from certain people warmed my heart and gave my little family so much strength.  Although I only shared it with a few people, while others kind of found out on their own, I felt cared for. I literally felt that since so many people were so worried I didn't have to be(which sounds completely crazy,  but I can't explain it in any other way).  But also there were a few people that were completely distant and cold. These were only people that had to find out and it was completely expected. All but two of them.  This was one of those situations were you realize you were holding on to friendships that were over and you didn't want to accept it. When the realization occurs though, it is very freeing. I  can now emotionally invest in those people that gave me such unconditional love and warmth.
I'm blessed with so much love from friends,  family,  and you guys! You gave me laughs, smiles and tears of joy.  You have touched my soul so many times. Thank you for that.  Anyway,  I have some magical news that I want to share with you. I dedicated myself to Brighid.  This was coming for a long time, but I was always reluctant. During these hard times I felt I needed her strength and light and I am so happy I did. This opened up my spiritual practice in an unexpected way. I feel more connected and grounded than ever. It made me trust my intuition even more and allow myself to be guided and protected. I have a lot to share with you guys again and luckily this blog will stop feeling like a greys anatomy episode.  Be blessed,  be loved and be happy!

Reunion

They are here! All three of us, plus the animal Kingdom that has taken over our house, under the same roof again.  The moment they arrived found me in a cleaning frenzy even though everything was already perfect.  I couldn't unlock my door from the excitement  and I ran over to them while they were climbing the stairs. I hugged my baby girl right on the floor of our apartment building,  sobbing and saying incoherent stuff, while she calmly told me I missed you mommy so much, I love you.
 She is such an amazing person, so wise and full of love. She only broke into tears when we were going to the store and she was afraid that I was not going with them. It broke my heart to notice so many different things on her. Her longer hair, her taller stand and all the new quirks she has.
 Yesterday turned out much more Greek than I would imagine.  For some reason all this emotional roller coaster took us to a place of constant hunger where I would cook something different every hour and then we would eat it. Of course after all these days that I have n't seen my husband other basic needs were also covered. And I slept much better,  it took me quite a while, but I managed to get a few hours of rest. 

Waiting almost over..

I am okay my loves. Getting stronger every day.  And in this night I am writing you,  I am counting the last hours away from the two most special people in my life.  They are coming back home in the morning.  In just a few hours I will get to hug them and kiss them after being twenty days apart.  Staying away from them was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.  But I know how blessed I am to have so much love in my life. As the hours go by I grow more and more impatient. It feels as if the clock is ticking slower and slower.  I hope I will be able to get some sleep.  I love you all so much!  I am sorry I wasn't talkative all these days.  I promise I will come back soon.

Lost my cool

Greetings blogfriends.  Today I am going for my rai treatment trial run and to do every medical exam known to man. All these days I have surprised myself with my compartmentalizing skills.  I remembered again and again the quote of Phoebe about Santa on prozac in disneyworld getting layed,  which if you are a huge friends geek like me you know.  I mean I was the coolest.
 I did a decent effort to replace my lacking thyroid hormones with caffeine and running 50 flights of stairs a day for energy (which is not a comic hyperbole,  I run up and down 50 flights of stairs a day, me, hypothyroid!). I also have huge amounts of Saint john wort's teas along with other delightful herbs to keep me happy.  I try to undereat which becomes increasingly harder as my energy needs diminish by the day, so that I don't gain a crazy amount of weight while waiting for my treatment. I dance like crazy to not feel cold( so Shakira replaced Mozart in our house!). I meditate to keep my cognitive function up and running,  so I fought "hypohell" as it is so eloquently described with every fiber of my being.  All that while trying to prepare my sweet daughter that mommy will be away for about a month.
 And then yesterday my last night with her for that period of time after I put her for sleep with a smile I had a tiny melt down.  And by tiny imaging something between Chernobyl and Fukusima. I managed to walk to the living room from the nursery before I hit the floor sobbing and crying and keep saying to myself it's going to be okay again and again in English for some reason.  The fact that she is going to fall and cry, wake up scared, feel sad and need her mommy while I am away from her hit me like a bus. All that time I focused on the positive and then finally yesterday I couldn't.  This is a child that has  only spent the night of my surgery away from me ever since she was born and now this. I admit it.  I lost my cool!
 But now I have to go, run my stairs and get ready.  Talk to you soon. Love you all!!

Happy new year!!

I wish you all a blessed 2016 full of love, health, prosperity, creativity and laughter! May the  Goddess be with you always!

Some Christmas spirit for you...

Caroling in Greece is somewhat different than what you see in the movies. It never involves pitch perfect people singing beautifully in harmony with bells. Nope. It's tiny humans who had no musical education in any way and can never sing on key with a musical triangle that they ring without rhythm or beat, banging on strange people's doors (always unsupervised,  which I find very unsafe and unsettling!) at the crack of dawn and you are supposed to give them money. Also, those tiny humans get very irritated if you expect them to sing the whole song, which most of them don't know all the lyrics.
 To all those people who allow their kids to come and ring my doorbell before eight o clock on Christmas eve, if I ever find out who you are, I will egg your house!

Excellent prognosis, Yule and Santa

I got the most wonderful news today.  Somewhere in between doctor appointments and exams and worrying about hypothyroidism and rai I was let know my condition is treatable and I am going to be okay.  Of course we won't really know till it's done and I will have to check it every six months, but things seem as good as it could possibly be. I am still confused about the potential of metastasis into the lymph nodes. If I understood correctly it hasn't spread there but again we will be sure after the myriad of tests that await me. Currently I am trying to find the first possible appointment for the treatment because the longer I wait without hormones the sicker I get.
 The only downside is that I also found out that because of a radioactive exam  I will have to spend 20 days in the row away from my lovely baby and husband.  I have tried to explain her as simply as possible and in the calmest manner. I am trying to make it seem as the most natural thing so she doesn't get scared. I am trying to focus on the silver lining.  Through hardships we learn and she will have to deal with the fact she can't see mommy for a while and perhaps balance out a little her separation anxiety.
  I don't know if I have mentioned it but when I first found out I begun crying over the fact I would have to be away from her for 10 days. Thank Goddess they didn't tell me right away 20. Through this experience I found out I have to deal with my separation anxiety too. I have been overwhelmed by the love people showed me.  I let a few of my closest people which is so unlike me(noone knew I had the surgery). I did it because it felt like I was facing the situation head on and not hiding from it and people surprised me.
But in the middle of this unsettling situation we are celebrating Yule with a lot of happiness,  laughter, gift giving, Santa and elf on shelf. She is so excited. She asked Santa for gummy bears, balloons,  cookies,  a pop up book, and a stuffed turtle. Although.... she asked Santa to send a pink fairy to bring the gifts because she is a little scared of him(weirdly enough!). And we have to bake a pink cake for the fairy and make a pink tea. Buying and hiding the gifts by the way was far more complicated than I could imagine! And it is quite possible she is on to us. I hope not!!
Blessed holidays to you all!