Blessed be!
With a title like that I am wondering what you are expecting to read. I have not made any crazy connection between myosceletal issues and woodland creatures. It is just that my thoughts are more random than usual!
It has been 3 days now that I am down because of back pain. But tomorrow I am going to my chiropractor and I will be as good as new!!! For now I am extremely grateful of my recliner and my heating pad that I am resting on all day!!
I miss playing with Melina Nefeli but at least we snuggled a lot and watched baby Einstein together! She loves those puppets..
As soon I am able to move again, I am smudging the house though!!
Have I told you that my fairies are back? Or at least my four leaves clovers are... They were gone all this time that I had other people taking care of my plants!
I have only be tending to their needs for a couple of weeks and I spotted a tiny one!!
See? This post was just a teensy bit crazy!
.. to all! Today we made candles!! A big one and two small ones!! My husband helped me with the wicks! I can't get them straight... ever!!
But I can't say I was in the best of moods! Maybe the lack of sleep and the menstrual cramps took their toll! But today, on Brigid's day, I just can't come to terms with the decision to stop breastfeeding!
As I have mentioned in the past here, I was exclusively pumping(because baby could n't latch) for the first six months and then gradually adding solids to baby's diet. I want to gradually stop my milk production by the end of March which would be 8 and a half months of breast milk for my little one but I feel so guilty and completely torn!
I understand now how emotional this process really is, even in my situation that I use the machine! I have to stop, because it is very time consuming and because the hormones wreak havoc on my thyroid and I am out of balance!
I read somewhere:"Whoever said don't cry over spilled milk was not a nursing mother.."
Oh! How true is that!! I have cried so much over breast milk! First it was n't enough then it was too much! Then I had to throw out 10 litres of it(!) that I had saved in the freezer because she wouldn't drink it! Then she would again! Not to mention the sleeplessness, mastitis and many other fun things that at some point included me sleeping with leaves of cabbage in my bra(yes, that really happened, I smelled like coleslaw in the morning, and not in a good way!). Plus, I have n't had a tequila for almost two years! I could really use a shot right now!
But the most important reason I want to stop is to be able to take the baby for fun trips and outings and I can't do that if I have to be here every three hours for at least half an hour. Athens is beautiful in the Spring and I don't want her to lose her first one.
So, I need to focus on the positive and prepare for it! I ordered some formula to ease her into the change in a couple of weeks. As I am writting all that stuff down I realise how small of a deal it really is and how much exaggerated it is in my head.
I am heading off to use the water I blessed during the black moon we had a few days ago! A water to celebrate change and transformation.
As the Wheel turns so must I..
I can not sleep! I am sitting motionless, completely still, listening to the rain falling hard outside my window. It feels as time ceased and I am lingering in a dark void.
Today was my final recital and I got my diploma with flying colours. Naturally I am overfilled by emotions, relief, happiness, love, pride, emptiness, nostalgia! It took me ten years to get here which is very little for that sort of thing but it is almost a third of my life and my entire adulthood! I can not stop thinking.. Well good, now what?
In one hand, I am a certified soprano, I could start a career and on the other I always thought that would be the end of the line for me! I was stretched too thin to get here and I kept pushing myself forward by thinking, just a little bit more, you can do it. I persevered but what I have not thought out, was the fact I do not want to quit! I do not care if I am not doing that professionally(I can not afford the time or the effort of that pursuit), but I just have to sing! When I perform I feel close to the Goddess, it is spiritual and it takes all I got!
I do not know how it is all going to work out timewise but ever since I came home I can not stop crying and that says something!! I will find the time! At the beginning of the year an operatic theatrical team asked me to join them, I think I will do that!
I was never good in dealing with endings, so I have to make it into a new beginning! Because I realised my musical side is not just something I can turn off!
Forgive my long rant, but you all know by now, you act as my extremely underpaid therapists!
The very last day of the year has started and with it gone, so will be my twenties(not officially till August, but still!). 2013 was very special to me, my life got so much richer(although i definitely got poorer, babies need a lot of stuff!). It seems as if everything is painted a little bit pink. I feel more free and so much stronger(although on a physical level, sometimes walking is a struggle!).
Since the year is about to change i want to do a thorough cleansing in my home, without any actual cleaning though because my back is killing me today! So today i am going to burn some labdanum and roses and let that sweet smoke reach deep into my soul.
Have a blessed New Year's Eve full of love and laughter!
