Back from the hospital

Just dropping by to let everyone know that everything went well. I am back home and the worst of this whole experience was being away from my baby.  She told me the most incredibly moving things.  She is so wise! As for me, I am almost pain free, though bloated as a balloon from all the medications. In about 10 days we will have the results of the biopsy back, so fingers crossed and spells chanted.  Until then I am taking levothyroxine against doctor's orders because I won't go completely hypothyroid for no reason. You have to become completely hypothyroid before receiving radioactive iodine,  but that is something you do if the biopsy showed cancer, so my self medication in the worst case scenario would only set me back 10 days. It is too painful to go through it just in case. I have to wait a few weeks to see if my parathyroids are intact and able to work. And as for my talking voice is fine, but I have to wait a month before I try singing because it would be too strenuous for my vocal cords. This experience taught me a lot about myself and our most human version.  I have so much respect for nurses after watching them taking care of everyone tirelessly and lovingly. And I realized of course that it is important to chase after little happy moments with all our might.
I love you all. Take care of yourselves and loved ones.

Thyroid operation

Greetings dear blogfriends.  I know I have been missing for a while now,  but I had to contemplate some things and I wasn't quite talkative.  It turns out that my operation was not considered preventive anymore but therapeutic.  It was not safe anymore and I had to take the big step.
It was hard the first couple of days because I had to get over my greatest fears, including memories that have haunted me ever since I was a small child.  But when the first wave of panic subsided a sense of calm washed over me. I am not afraid anymore.  I am finally free. The operation is scheduled in a week as long as I am over my cold where I will undergo a full thyroidectomy.  They are expecting to find some malignancy,  but I don't believe this will be the case. I do believe it would eventually turn malignant,  but I will be clean. I have kept it a secret from almost everybody, but I am ready to break the news. For the last month I have been a wreck, before my exams I had this horrible feeling steering in my gut. But as soon as I got the results I made an appointment with my new endocrinologist,  two days later with the surgent and I set the date for just 12 days later. Although I have been running from this decision for the last sixteen years,  once my mind was set I put everything in motion,  before anyone had any time to adjust.  My mom and husband freaked out, but I only lost my cool every time my voice was mentioned.  But even this is in the past, I am serene now. The bad feeling is over now that I took the decision.  I know everything will go well. I am sleeping better than I have in years and I have faith in my fate. I see my path clearly and I know it is different from my mom's.  I knew it for a while now that this was how it was going to go and I kept fighting it. But this is for the best.
Right now I am nursing myself back to health from a mild cold.My surgent(who by the way is very Mc Steamy!) told me to take comtrex to speed the process along, which I think makes me kind of drowsy. If you have not tried it yet I fully recommend it.  This is what drugs must feel like. Also last Thursday I threw my back out again,  so as you imagine there has been a lot of resting on heating pads and well, gilmore girls.. Have you heard they are bringing them back?
I intend on decorating our Yule tree this Sunday with friends and family although noone has been informed of my plans.  Right nowI am watching the most glorious sunset.  The sky is dressed in the most beautiful colors and everything looks pink.
Be blessed,  be loved and be free.

The Spoon Theory

I had to share this with you.  Magaly wrote a beautiful post in which she mentioned this article called "the spoon theory". This caused a deep emotional reaction in me, so I had to put this out there. Goodnight from me.

Our love story

On November 13 2003 me and my wonderful husband kissed for the very first time after a nerve wrecking  two month period of will they- won't they...  We were hesitant because he was flirting that Summer with my best friend at the time and I had a fling with his and it felt so wrong and right(there is an awful pop song in there somewhere!).  But then on that night we couldn't hold it in anymore, he kissed me and the world was immediately dressed into golden colors. It was late so we had to go home but right when I was turning the key in my door I received a text saying I love you and he got one from me saying me too. The very next day we changed our plans of going away to study and a year later we moved in together.
For our anniversary he gave me this pretty miniature unicorn which I loved and I gave him the money to buy a new cell phone ( thinking that when all your money are pulled together it makes gift giving kind of hard-cough cough- and this is what he wanted the most...hey stop judging me!).
 For obvious reasons it didn't felt right to share this story with you on time.  But a new blogfriend who has her birthday on that particular day and felt the same way convinced me through her post to share the beauty, the love and the happiness. 
Be blessed,  be loved and be in love!

Thank you

I want to thank you all for your support and love not just about yesterday's post but for all those years.  I met in this cyberspace a lot of beautiful people and so many of you touch my soul on way or another.  But yesterday wonderful Toni did the most sweet and caring thing for me. She did a reiki request for me in her blog! Thank you dear Toni and thank you all for always being there for me, even though we all know I have never been the most consistent blogger. Well, you have all been the most consistent friends. I love you all always and forever!

Health updates

Greetings blogfriends!  How are you? I just want to say that my heart goes out to all French people. Sending all the healing thoughts,  prayers and love my heart can hold.  While I was contemplating the beginning of this post I started wondering when this blog became all about my health updates. The weird thing is I feel young(I am young!) and yet lately my body seem to disagree.  I took my thyroid results back this week and it seems as all the different natural and alternative treatment I was doing on the side as well as the diet changes and workouts had no effect on my troubled gland.  The nodule grew yet 2 more millimeters and my blood test showed a hormonal imbalance which explains why I can't seem to lose weight lately. So, that means I have to do yet another biopsy and everyone is urging me to take out the whole gland.  But these are not breasts we are talking about,  it is an important organ. I can't accept though that the best solution is the most violent one. I need to be convinced. This will affect my overall health for the rest of my life and although singing is not an issue anymore it still feels wrong. I am switching doctors again and when I am done with all that I decided to check out my back. But I do have some good health related news. My tooth will probably make it!I have to go and wake up my daughter now because she has a play date.

Be loved,  be blessed and be safe!

Chronic pain and strength

Helloooooo blogfriends!!!  Today I am having a bad back day, but it was so worth it.  Yesterday I had a dance party with a girlfriend.  When my husband was at work (otherwise would be too embarrassing), we danced in frenzy. Every single thing we could think of for 3 hours straight.  We even macarenaed. I haven't acted so goofy in years, it was exhilarating. It was so funny, because my daughter was here and she kept watching us with concern and disbelief . What is wrong with mommy? Why is she listening to that music? I usually listen to pre- classical music so who can blame her. I knew yesterday that the pain would come in breath taking waves but I wanted to feel free for once of the self preserving thought that now comes with every single move I make. It was wonderful. There is power surge in letting loose. 
 Chronic pain can re shape our form of thought in a significant way. But, this past week I watched a video in YouTube with a person who became totally paralyzed from the neck down and his strength of spirit was amazing.  Life affirming thoughts have filled my mind ever since and I am ever so grateful for my beautiful life!
 Be loved, be blessed and be free!